


Afterglow

by Boturtles (BotCp)



Series: Babies AU [1]
Category: TMNT (2007), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2003), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Body Dysphoria, Doctor!Irma, Donnie and Mikey are really good pals, Gravid!Leo, I swear I'm trying really hard to not make it weird, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Leonardo has panic attacks, M/M, Mpreg, Please consider reading even if you don't like mpreg, graphic description of hysteroscopy, i promise this subject will be treated as realistic as possible, pregnant!Leo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:35:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25464088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BotCp/pseuds/Boturtles
Summary: Afterglow [noun]1.the glow remaining after a light has gone, as after sunset2.the pleasant feeling one has after an enjoyable experienceLeonardo and Raphael learn something new and how to deal with it.
Relationships: Leonardo/Raphael (TMNT)
Series: Babies AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1844518
Comments: 27
Kudos: 62





	1. Discovery

**Author's Note:**

> To give you some context. This is an AU I created a LONG time ago and I spent years developing it, most of the story is already made and I finally have the guts to write them down. It happens almost two years after the 2007 movie, someday I will write the beginning of their relationship.  
> I believe the movie happens sometime in 2001~2002, so this fanfic starts in October of 2003. When Leo and Raph are already in a relationship and things are pretty serious between them.  
> Enjoy!

Leo’s has not been Leo lately. 

The first clue was when he did not drink his tea in the morning, which he did every day for the past 8 years or so, a punctual, and kind of obsessive, sacred habit that it was simply discarded as if was nothing. He said he wasn’t in the mood to drink tea, in fact, he wasn’t in the mood for eating at all, claiming that the smell of the breakfast made him feel sick in the stomach. It was slightly unusual and not worth much attention, but Donnie remembered about it.

The next clue was in the training in the next few days, Leonardo was clumsy and he got very  _ easily  _ knocked down by Mikey during a match. He said he felt tired, a bit dizzy and a headache strong enough to pull out his focus. He decided to rest for the day and told Donnie that he just needed a nap.

In the next days, he was acting distant and stressed and got moody whenever he was asked about it, especially towards Raphael, who was  _ also  _ acting strange, because he usually would be angry and would tell Leo to go fuck himself, then proceed to avoid his presence in the house until one of them apologized and give the other a blowjob or whatever the hell they did to make up, instead of that, he was patient and somehow sweet when Leo randomly snapped at him. It was like they exchanged personalities. Donnie grew suspicious.

Leo let Don examine him after he got out of breath when they were racing back home after their nightly patrol at the surface. The leader got fatigued and then vomited his dinner while Raph was holding his body or else he would probably fall down. After a tiring brief fight, Donnie was only allowed to ask a few questions, take his blood pressure and check his heartbeats, because, again, Leo was way too temperamental to let him do something else, which never happened before.

His symptoms were inconclusive, the genius thought that it was all psychological, considering that Leo, among all of them, was the most neurotic and apprehensive, he was always worrying about something and it usually made him stressed, that’s the reason why he meditated almost obsessively, however, Leo was not meditating lately and, in the past few weeks, nothing relevant had happened to make him feel worried like that, in fact, they hadn’t had so much peace like they were having now. He should be happy. Unless he was hiding something. And Donnie tried to investigate that.

He started out by watching his older brother’s behaviour, for the moment Leo woke up to the moment he went to sleep. For a few days, every day was almost the same. Leo was the first to wake in the morning and then he would go meditate with Master Splinter, then he would drink tea and eat breakfast with everyone, sometimes he didn’t because he was sick, sometimes he did and it was normal. After breakfast, they would all practise their katas, and in the days they didn’t, Leo spent the morning reading or studying. In the afternoon, Leo usually trained alone, did his chores or spent some time with Raph and sometimes even playing videogames with Mikey. In the night he would watch TV and they all would go to the surface, always in pairs, so if Leo was hiding something up there, someone would already have noticed.

Donnie even took a quick look at Leo’s phone to check the GPS, but there was nothing weird, and in his files, there were only family’s pictures and conversations between him, Mikey, Raph, April and Casey. Besides Leo’s sudden change of comportment, there was nothing out of ordinary. He was almost giving up when a new clue suddenly appeared. Raph mindlessly told him that Leo smelled very sweet, and jokingly said that this might be the reason he was not so angry at him lately.

And everything suddenly clicked together.

Donnie convinced Leo to let him take a blood sample. And the results scared him more than he was expecting to. 

. . . . . . . . 

Pacing around his lab, Donatello felt his hands sweating about his discovery, the peculiarity of it just made him feel uneasy, and, for the first time in a long time, he didn’t know what to do or how to proceed. The symptoms, the strange behaviours and the results just led to one single conclusion.

Leo was gravid.

Or was he pregnant? He didn’t know for sure. He felt so incompetent for not anticipating it, it was literally his responsibility to prevent stuff like that from happening like that and he  _ failed  _ it. A burden ached inside him because of it. And now he had to face the consequences. It was just too unlikely to be true. Too absurd to even be possible. But it was there, the results were not wrong, he knew that because he spent the day trying to figure out a way of it not being true, but it was. And Donnie had to take a deep breath to find out how he was going to tell Leo that. Because, well, it is not something to expect, even for mutant turtles who lived in the sewers.

\- Dude, you skipped dinner. AGAIN.

He hadn’t realized how much time he spent panicking when Michelangelo suddenly appeared in front of him, he was too focused on the delicate situation that he literally jumped off of his chair and tried to do everything to cover his pale and startled expression. He was out of breath, his legs felt like jelly and his head was aching really bad.

\- What the hell, Donnie?! - Mikey laughed loudly - You need to work on your ninja skills, dude!

\- I… - He tried to say and then looked around his lab as if trying to mask his surprise or hide his affliction - I’m just… Working on something very important.

\- Are you okay? - Mikey asked - Weren’t you trying to figure out what was wrong with Leo? 

\- Yes! - He answered almost too loudly - That’s was the important thing, actually

**Don’t tell Mikey.**

\- Nice! - The youngest smiled - So? Is he alright?

**Don’t tell Mikey. He can’t know!**

\- Well, yes - Don said and sat again, avoiding Mikey’s gaze - I mean… -  **Don’t tell Mikey** \- Yeah.

Unfortunately, Michelangelo always knows when Donatello is lying.

\- Yeah? - Mikey said sitting in the desk next to Donnie - So what happened?

**No no no no.**

\- Nothing happened - Donnie got up again and tried to escape, but Mikey was efficient enough to corner him in his own lab.

\- I think you’re lying - Mikey teased while looking at Donnie straight into his eyes.

**Bastard!**

\- Hm… - The genius whined while trying again to avoid Mikey’s insistent blue eyes - Alright, you win, okay?! - He walked back to his chair while Mikey followed him curiously - Look. This is a very sensitive situation. I’m on the verge of going mad because of it.

\- Okay - Mikey nodded.

\- You need to promise me you will take this seriously. 

\- I will - He answered - I promise.

\- Okay - Donnie eyed him up and down. Mikey didn’t see to be joking - I think Leo might be gravid.

Mikey didn’t understand. Donnie sighed.

\- It means he might be carrying… Eggs

Mikey frowned. Donnie sighed again.

\- As in babies, Mikey. 

Mikey’s eyes opened widely.

\- Leo is pregnant?! 

\- He MIGHT be pregnant and you need to lower your voice! - Donnie said covering Mikey’s mouth with his hand - I don’t know for sure and I need more to do more tests.

\- Dude! - Mikey tried to contain his excitement - Leo might have a baby - He whispered happily - A baby, Donnie! 

\- I know! - He stared at the ceiling - He’s going to freak out, I don’t know what to tell him!

\- Oh gosh! - Mikey held Donnie’s shoulders - And Raph? Imagine him being a dad! I so wanna see this!

Donnie couldn’t help but smile, the image of Raph changing diapers was quite funny and he would also like to see that. Besides, the sheer possibility of one of them being able to make babies is, at a certain point of view, fascinating. Donnie never thought that they could expand their family like that, the thought of holding a baby turtle in his arms, a nephew or a niece, warmed his heart. And deep down he looked forward to it.

But how risky was that? 

Donnie might be a genius, but he doesn’t do miracles. He does know a lot about human pregnancy, he could even do a c-section if he absolutely needed to and could raise a baby on his own. He also knew a lot about turtles and their gravidness. But Leo’s case was way too specific. It would be easier if he was a female, but he wasn’t, he was a male mutant turtle that suddenly got knocked up with no previous sign of being able to. They didn’t go in heat, because Donnie was  _ sure  _ they would have noticed that. Besides, Leo’s previous blood tests were just as normal as his brothers. When did it change?  _ Why  _ did it change? What the hell is happening?

Was Leo really able of carrying eggs? Would his body rejects them afterwards and cause a miscarriage? How  _ many  _ eggs would he lay?  _ How  _ would he lay them? Would his body change too abruptly? Would his plastron stretch enough to accommodate them?

\- Donnie - Mikey said when he noticed his brothers looked like he was about to explode - Donnie you need to calm down.

\- Look - He said sadly - We can’t take anything for granted right now - He sighed and looked at his brother’s curious eyes - We don’t even know if Leo wants this, we don’t know how his body works and we don’t even know if he can keep going with this, as far as we know he is male like you and me... - he said and then thought about it - … I think - he shocked his head - Anyway, we still need to figure things out. Let’s not be too excited about it right now, okay? 

\- Okay… - Mikey's shoulders slumped.

\- I need to find out a way to tell him - Donnie sighed - I need help. He is so weird lately that he might snap at me. And I don’t want to catch Raph’s attention, he might freak out too, and it’s only fair to let Leo decided what to do before that, right?

\- Yes, I think so too - Mikey nodded - You could tell him tomorrow night, Raph’s gonna go to Casey’s to watch a hockey game. 

\- Sounds good - The genius agreed and then looked at Mikey, who seemed to be holding back his laughter - What?

\- I’m imagining Leo fat - he said laughing and it was contagious, Donnie laughed too - Okay okay, imagine him walking around the lair with a huge baby belly! - he put one of his hands on his back and the other on his stomach - “Oh Raph! Go get me sushi, I crave sushi right now and I will kill you if you don’t get me some!”

\- Stop! - Donnie wheezed - Ok we need to stop - He took a deep breath and tried not to laugh again, but couldn’t, and it just encouraged Mikey to keep doing the impersonation - Alright, alright - he took another deep breath - It would be hilarious, indeed. But you know what’s even funnier about it?

\- What? 

\- Apparently - he said - Leo is kind of exhaling some pregnancy pheromones. Pheromones are chemical substances that are usually produced by an animal and serve as a stimulus to other individuals of the same species for one or more behavioural responses - He explained while Mikey tried to follow - Those can be smelled only by Raph, the baby’s father.

\- He said that Leo smelled sweet this morning!

\- Exactly! - Donnie said - Those pheromones makes Raphael protective and caring, like some form of way to prevent harm for Leo and the baby. And he’s probably going to be all sweet like that during a good part of this pregnancy.

\- Dude! - Mikey laughed - This is gonna be adorable!

\- Yes, but again - Donnie said - We can’t take things for granted. We need to talk to Leo tomorrow.

\- Alright - Mikey said - I don’t I will be able to sleep tonight

\- Yeah - Donnie sighed - Me neither


	2. Revelation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donatello gives Leonardo the news, he does not react well.  
> TW: Mentions of past self-harm behavior.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some stuff that I want to make clear for this chapter:  
> 1\. They wear clothes, but they do not look like the 2014/16 version with probably their bits out of the shell. I imagine them with very sensitive tails and it can't be comfortable to sit or walk around with them not properly protected. It is also nice to write a smut scene with one of them taking the pants off the other =v=, kinda sensual if you ask me.  
> 2\. There are some mentions of Leo's past suicidal and depressed behavior, this is something I will properly explore in mentions and maybe another fanfic about how his and Raph's relationship started.  
> Enjoy!

They spent a couple of hours debating on how they would approach the subject with Leo before Donnie almost collapsed on his own face due to the lack of sleep. Mikey, on the other hand, couldn’t even blink, he was way too excited with the news and his body was itching to get up and go tell the future daddies about what their horny asses had made.

The next morning, both of them were all smiles. Mikey couldn’t help but notice that his oldest brother was practically glowing whenever Raphael spoke to him as if he was in a frenzied state of being in love. Leo even made Raph and sandwich and was sipping his tea while looking lovingly at him. They must have had a very good night together. Gross. But at least they were getting along and Leo was actually eating his breakfast. Donnie was jealous of them, because of the privilege of not knowing something that was right there, in front of them. Would they still be happy if they knew? While they talked, Donnie’s eyes were glued on Leo, scanning his body to find any physical indication of his condition, but Leo was in very good shape, and he seemed to notice Donnie’s staring.

\- Don - Leonardo said while sitting at the table - What were the results of the blood test?

For a split second, Donnie considered panicking again as he looked at Mikey’s face, who also seemed agitated with the question. 

\- It’s normal - He said, you know, like a liar - How are you feeling?

\- I’m feeling okay - he smiled - I just feel a discomfort in my abdomen - he added - It does not  _ hurt,  _ but it does not feel good either.

\- Wasn’t that something ya ate? - Raphael said while eating his sandwich.

\- I don’t know - Leo said - Unless  _ someone  _ \- He looked at Mikey, and his mood went to “happy and in love” to “I’m going to fucking kill you” - Has been pranking again and thought it would be funny to put something in my food.

\- Hey dude! - Mikey said raising his arms in defense - I didn’t!

\- It would not be the first time - Leo said almost threatening.

\- I swear! - Mikey said - Mr. Perfect is suddenly sick and now it’s my fault? Blame someone else this time, like Raph!

Mikey felt his skin burning under Donnie’s killer gaze.

\- What could Raph had possibly done to make me sick? - Leo arched his brown and Raph seemed to hold back whatever the hell he was going to say, but he was clearly angry.

The answer was right at the tip of Mikey’s tongue, the urge to pop the balloon and tell them the truth was incredibly tempting and Mikey had to bite the inside of his cheek to prevent him from doing any stupid thing. Donnie looked at him like he was going to get up at any moment and stab him with the butterknife he was currently holding.

\- You guys are always exchanging body fluids, maybe you should be more careful with what you put inside your body! - Leo’s face went pale, Raph’s face went red. 

_ Smooth _ , Donnie thought amused, that was actually a very good answer.

\- You little shi--

\- Raphael! - Splinter appeared before he could throw himself at Mikey - Michelangelo, respect your brothers’ privacy - he said hitting Mikey‘s head with his walking stick - Whatever they do when they are together is not up to you to talk about.

\- Yes, sensei - He stroked his head right where Splinter hit.

\- Good morning, my sons - He said happily 

\- Good morning, sensei - They all said together

\- Leonardo, perhaps it would be wisest to not train with your brothers today - Splinter said - You still need rest, even if you are feeling okay.

Donnie sipped the remaining of his coffee and got up before he freaked out. Thank god it was not a training day. Or else he would probably break Mikey’s leg.

\- Well, um, - he said - Come to my lab tonight and we will do something about that. I have some stuff to do first.

\- Sure - Leo replied and then made a funny face - Actually - he got up and walked towards the bathroom - No, I’m not okay

Some minutes passed by when Raphael also got up and followed Leo.

. . . . . . 

After flushing the toilet and washing his mouth, Leonardo stared at his pale face in the mirror. He doesn't remember the last time he looked like that, and it infuriated him that there was nothing to justify the weirds symptoms his body was showing. He couldn’t eat properly, he couldn’t train without feeling weak and he couldn’t run without being exhausted. And it made him so angry that sometimes he couldn’t stand looking at anyone, especially Raphael.

Yesterday was one of those days. He ignored Raph by the day and felt guilty at night, so he apologized, and then they were making out like animals. He still feels warm when he thinks about it.

\- Hey - Raph’s voice caught his attention when he entered the bathroom - You alright?

\- Yes - He turned around and leaned on the sink - I think so 

\- Ya should rest for the day - Raph said and rested his hands on Leo’s waist - Let’s go back to yer room - he smiled and embraced the leader.

\- Is that your version of resting? - Leo’s finger caught the tails of the red bandana and pulled them, causing Raph’s beak to touch his.

\- Maybe - he got closer and kissed Leo’s shoulder - S’not my fault yer smelling this good - he licked his way up to Leo’s mouth while his hands caressed his arms - But okay - He gave him three pecks on his lips - No funny business. I think I already wore ya out last night.

Smirking, Leo pulled Raph by the shoulders and kissed him deeply. Raphael moans into it and it goes straight to Leo’s groin, which is being deliciously pressed by the bigger turtle’s thighs. The nails digging in the meat of his hips made him aware of what they were going to do, and he noticed that the bathroom may not be the best place to it, but Raph was exalting such an intoxicating smell that he just felt like surrendering.

\- Raph - Leo groans into the kiss - The door… 

\- On it - he replied by pulling Leo in his arms, carrying him to the other side of the bathroom and pressing him against the wall while his hands searched for the door lock and successfully locking them inside the bathroom. He smiled at the leader and pressed their groins together again, making Leo bite his lip to suppress a moan. Leo’s head, slightly tilted to one side, exposed his neck a little bit too much and it was inviting enough for Raph to go ravish it, biting and sucking Leo’s pulse hard enough for him to shudder in pleasure.

Both of them dropped down desperately almost at the same time. Moaning in unison while Raphael grabbed Leo’s legs to rub their cocks through their pants more easily. The red-banded turtle thought Leo looked absolutely magnificent when he moaned and rocked his body as his life depended on it. His lips were captured again, but Leo was half muttering  _ Please Raphie, don’t stop please  _ and a half trying to actually kiss Raph. Leo reached for Raph’s butt and gave it a solid squeeze before getting his lip bitten. He didn’t have time to chuckle about it when Raphael pulled his mask down by the tails and sticked his hands inside Leo’s pants, squeezing the tip of his cock just the right way to send him over the edge.

And gosh, how beautiful was that!

Leo threw his head back and it lightly hit the wall with a  _ thump.  _ Mouth open as he silently screamed and inhaled as much air as he could, his thighs tensed, his hands grabbed Raphael’s shoulder hard and Raphael milked his dick until their plastrons were coated with Leo’s sticky seed. It was somehow so intense that Leo collapsed on the floor the moment Raph stopped holding his leg. 

\- Are-- Are you okay? - Raph said kneeling right in front of him, Leo just laughed.

\- I’m okay - he answered - It must because I threw up some minutes ago and… - He bit his lip - That was really good - he looked down at Raph’s body and saw his still hard, leaking member tenting his shorts - But why don’t you get up and let me take care of  _ it?  _ \- He took Raph’s cock in his hand and gave it a good squeeze at the base - I’m already down here.

It was kinda rare to see Leo talking like that, Raph couldn’t help but obey and get up immediately. Soon enough Leo kissed and sucked Raph’s neglected erection through the fabric of his shorts, looking up at him with blue bedroom eyes, he yanked them down and his dick was encased by Leo’s warm mouth and his nostrils were filled with his sweet scent, his hips bucked a little too hard but Leo didn’t seem to mind, instead he grabbed Raph’s tail and pulled it. He closed his lips and sucked the head hard and then he felt Raph trembling, pulling out of his mouth and then cumming all over his face and plastron. 

Raph let his head rest on the wall while he admired the view of Leo on his knees with his face and body covered in cum, completely the opposite of what he looked like as their stoic, fearless leader. A wave of pride washed over him because he was the only person in the world who could see that. 

\- So - He said and helped Leo getting up - Bath?

. . . . . . 

This day was so weird that Donnie could swear that either the clock of his lab was broken or the time in reality was just slower. While Leo spent the day probably clinging on Raph at his bedroom, Mikey and he were revisiting how they should tell him the news, and even though they were pretty confident the night before, they got more and more nervous about it in the course of time. 

Their ultimate fear was how the hell Leo was going to deal with the news that he was pregnant and there was no certainty that it would end well. Because they all knew him, they all remembered of his panic attacks and cut wrists a long time ago, and they knew that even when his romantic involvement with Raphael didn’t solve the problem by 100%. The leader still had this nasty habit of hiding his feelings in a profound corner of his mind and then proceed to hurt himself in secret when it was too much for him to handle. It happened less these days, but this new, strange situation and the huge cargo of hormones may not blend well with him. And Donnie feared the worst.

It was exactly 6 pm when Raphael appeared in the living room saying that he was going to Casey’s house to watch the hockey game, as they already expected. He seemed to be in good humor and so did Leo. The moment he got out, April arrived. Saying she would not be there to watch the game with them, since they were too loud for her ears, and she also needed some peace to study.

\- Hey, you guys - She said happily - I brought pizza!

\- Thanks, April - Leo said greeting her.

\- No problem - She sat at the dining table - I should come here every time Casey and Raph watch their games together, I don’t have a single minute of peace.

\- You’re always welcome to stay here as long as you need - Leo said smiling - I just hope they don’t break each other’s bones after that.

\- Pfff Raph and Casey? - Donnie jokes, when it came for those two to do something stupid after spending some time together, he would say that it was pretty predictable - What do you expect of them?

\- True true - she said - So, you’re feeling better? I heard Raph telling Casey that you were not feeling well those days

\- It’s nothing too alarming - Leo said and Mikey exchanged a look with Donnie - Actually - he looked at the genius - You said that you wanted to examine me again, right?

\- Y-Yeah - He did everything in his power not to panic, nothing in the world could prepare him of what he had to do now, but he had to, and the sooner he ripped off the band-aid the better - We should do that now!

\- ...okay - Leo eyed him curiously - Don’t eat my pizza, Mikey!

\- Alright, alright - The youngest said a bit nervously as he saw Donnie and Leo going to the lab. He kept staring at the door even before he couldn’t see them anymore. April also looked at it, trying to understand why Mikey was so mesmerized.

\- What are you looking at? - April asked him.

\- I-- - Mikey choked on the slice of pizza he was trying to eat - Nothing! - he chuckled nervously.

\- That’s not very convincing, Mikey - She teased - Did something happened?

\- Well…  _ Kind of _ ... - He said holding his hands together - But it’s… It’s so complicated

\- Mikey - She said seriously, noticing Mikey’s unhappy expression - Did something happened? We’re family, you know you can trust me.

He seemed to think about it for a second. April was indeed the most trustable and understanding people he knew, and she was always sensitive when it came to delicate situations like that. When Leonardo and Raphael got mad at each other, she usually offered advice and talked some sense into them, she always knew what to do and how to deal with their problems, her help would be very welcome, and Mikey knew Leo wouldn’t be angry if he involved April on this.

\- Alright, here’s the deal.

. . . . . . . . . 

\- I just need to do one thing - Donnie said as soon as they entered the lab and grabbed the stethoscope - Sit on the table, please.

Leo did as he said and waited patiently while Donatello put the cold metal on his plastron. His subtle hesitation got a little into Leo’s nerve, it looked like he was scared of something, and it showed right on his face. As he listened to whatever was inside Leo, his expression change almost abruptly, and his brown eyes were almost sorry.

\- Is there something in my stomach? - He asked alarmed. Donnie just looked at him and seemed to think about something to say, but couldn’t, instead, he put the earpieces in Leo’s ears.

\- This - He places the chestpiece of the stethoscope on his chest - is your heartbeat. Can you hear it well? - Leo nodded, then Donnie lowered the thing so it was on his stomach again - This is also heartbeats, two, if I hearing well.

\- Is there something  _ alive  _ inside me? - Now Leo really was worried - What is it?

\- Leo - Donnie took a deep breath - You’re gravid - he bit his tongue when Leo got confused with the term - You’re pregnant.

\- Not funny, Don - He got up and moved away from his brother - Not funny at all.

\- Leo, I swear I’m not joking! - Donnie said - Everything that’s been happening to you indicates that you are, somehow, expecting - Leo tried to avoid his gaze - Your moods, the morning sickness, your sudden dizziness and even the fact that you smell sweet to Raph sometimes-

\-  _ How  _ do you know that? - Leo blushed furiously. This was something way too personal for Donnie to know - What does that have to do with anything?

\- He let it slip to me a few days ago - Donnie answered - Those are probably pregnancy pheromones, your body is making them for Raph to have the instinct to be closer to you.

\- I- - Leo sat down at the table again - You’re not joking.

\- I’m not - He got closer and put a hand on Leo’s shoulder - I’m just as confused as you are, I’m still trying to figure out  _ how  _ exactly it happened, but, honestly? That’s an area I’m not very aware of, I was going to study that properly before telling you but it didn’t seem fair. 

Leo just nodded and looked straight at the floor, his eyes were petrified and it looked like reality was still hitting hard on him. He was shaking and clearly scared, his hands were grabbing hard at the fabric of his pants and his breath hitched. Donnie could only feel bad. It was hard to watch and not being able to do something. Suddenly his expression changed. He now seemed alert of his condition, trying to think of a way he could have known about it before it happened. He had no idea of how it was possible, and it frightened him to know that Donnie didn’t know as well. His eyes became glassy as he touched right where the stethoscope was. 

\- Also… - Donnie bit his lip, he didn’t really want to say that but he knew he had to - There’s no guarantee that this is safe - Leo looked at him in instant fear - Your body may reject them and it can possibly harm you bad. I need to examine you as soon as I get the proper equipment. I have no idea how this will go, you’re literally the first case ever.

\- Okay - Leo stared at the floor - Okay - in an instant, his breath started to fail and his color was gone. He crossed his arms over his body and dig his nails in his biceps. He felt weak and his legs couldn’t hold his weight anymore. Donnie caught him before he hit the floor and helped him to sit down properly. The genius knelt beside his quivering, scared brother. He didn’t remember the last time he saw Leo so vulnerable, he looked like a lost child, sitting on the floor and waiting for someone to come to save him. 

**_He can’t know it affects you like that, don’t cry!_ **

\- Calm down, you’re just facing a very hard load of hormones - Donnie put his hands on his shoulders and assured him - Your emotions are just… All over the place. Panicking won’t do you any good.

**_Get out of there, you need to get out of there!_ **

\- Raph - Leo said with his eyes wide open - He’s… The father

\- Yes, who else could-- - Donnie said and then stopped.

\- What? 

\- Well, you may have both ovaries and… Sperm… - Donnie said - I’m not saying for sure but what if-

**_It will only get worse, run away_ **

\- What?! - Leo snapped and rapidly got up, making Donnie regret what he just said.

\- Wait, no! - Donnie watched Leo’s face going even more pale - That is highly unlikely--

\- Donnie, stop - He raised his hand and the genius shut up - I need… I need some alone time - Donnie nodded and Leo walked straight to the door - I will be in my room.

. . . . . . 

April stared at Mikey almost incredulously. Although he promised several times he was not joking, it was still hard to believe, hell, it was nearly  _ impossible  _ to believe. But something inside her trusted that Mikey wouldn’t go too far on the joke, and how would he know all that scientific explanation without Donnie actually explaining him?

When she opened her mouth to say something, Leonardo was running out of the lab, Donnie followed shortly after with the most miserable expression she had ever seen. It just confirmed what Mikey had just told her.

\- Did you tell her? - Donnie asked Mikey when he noticed they were staring too hard at him.

\- Yes...

\- Leo is pregnant? - She said almost too low - Is it true?

\- Yes, apparently - Donnie sat down at the table - I checked the heartbeats, there’s two coming from his abdomen.

\- There’s two? - Mikey said

\- I think so - Donnie replied - Maybe more. I don’t know how this pregnancy works, I don’t know if Leo carries eggs or not, and if he does he might have from 3 to 15 eggs, it’s a disaster!

\- Oh God - She said looking at the direction of Leo’s room - Is he okay?

\- He almost had a panic attack - Donnie said - I didn’t know what to do. I  _ don’t  _ know what to do.

Silence fell between them, each one of them thinking about anything to ease the situation. Now that Leo knew, Donnie had no idea of how to proceed.

\- I need some new equipment - Donnie broke the silence - I need new books and an ultrasound machine and it’s gonna take a while to build it. I’m gonna start from there. But - he sighed - I also need some very specific stuff that only an obstetrician would have.

\- I can solve that - April said, getting Donnie’s attention - Look, I know it sounds risky. But one of my closest friends is an obstetrician. She knows everything about my life, except for you guys. She is a good person, she would help us!

\- Yeah but - Mikey said - Are you sure she wouldn’t freak out about this whole thing?

\- Maybe - She laughed nervously - Who wouldn’t?

\- You’re probably right - Donnie sighed - But it’s our best shot, this is way too specific for me to do alone. - he said - What’s your friend’s name? 

\- Irma Langistein - April answered

. . . . .

Leo meant to go to his room, but a knot in his stomach and a lump in his gut led him towards the bathroom, where he entered and locked the door almost desperately. Going straight to the toilet, he threw up so violently that his whole body felt cold and he felt like he was either going to pass out or simply die. This was too much for him, simply too much. Leonardo couldn’t do anything but try to breathe and even that made his body ache.

**_This is not happening. This is not happening. No._ **

The bitter taste in his mouth just made him feel worse, stumbling on his own feet, he tried to get up and reach the sink and get rid of it, but his legs felt like jelly, he hit the floor hard and it made him regret not wearing his knee pads. His throat suddenly closed and he couldn’t breathe again, his eyes were excessively wet, the tears were streaming from them like he had lost control of his own body. His mask felt heavy on his face, he took it off and that the back of his head throbbed madly.

**_What am I supposed to do now?_ **

He didn’t understand why he felt like that, the merciless wave of negative feelings just washed over him and he felt helpless. Donnie said he would help him and he knew the rest of his family wouldn’t hate him for something he had no control of. Leo was not afraid to have a child, he was afraid of this whole process, of how this would work, and judging by Donnie’s face when he told him, it could be  _ risky _ and Leonardo was not prepared to deal with a dysfunctional pregnancy just for it to end up in a miscarriage and maybe even his own death!

**_This can’t be happening this can’t be happening this is not real_ **

And even if this worked, what did he know about raising a child? What kind of life he could offer to them when he was always aware that something bad could happen to them? Living in the sewers of New York was not easy, and even with Donnie doing everything he could to make it comfortable and safe, it was not a granted safety, anything bad could happen anytime.

He hugged his legs and kept crying.

. . . . . 

Leo took several deep breaths before opening his wet eyes again. He was no longer dizzy and he felt the control of his body coming back to him. Slowly getting up to the sink, he washed the bitterness out of his mouth and looked at himself in the mirror. He looked like shit. Putting his hand on his stomach, he turned to the side to check if there was something different. Nothing. He sighed and blinked until the remaining tears fell from his eyes.

Checking his phone, he realized he had spent more than two hours crying in misery. It was almost 9 pm, and an unread text sent several minutes ago by Raph said “Game’s over sooner. Comin back now  ❤︎ ”. He knew Raph enough to understand that the heart was a sexual connotation, and he felt sick again. When he got up, he could actually listen to Raph’s voice in the kitchen, he probably hadn’t noticed it before because of his previous state. A stung of fear shot him when he realized he should talk to Raphael about what is happening. Taking a deep breath, he opened the bathroom’s door, better get over with it already.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me what you think, this is a very important project for me and comments are appreciated <3  
> And also if there's something uncertain about anything


	3. Unstability

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leo speaks with Raph about his condition, but his reaction was not that positive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had to write and rewrite this part a lot of times, hope you like it!

The game  _ sucked.  _ It was boring and the players looked like they didn’t want to be there, they were slow and lazy and let the rival team kick their asses like they were little children. Raph was pissed and so was Casey, so they both decided to go to the lair and maybe play some videogames instead of drinking their faces off like they usually did. Leo would probably be upset at him if he came home late and drunk, and he wanted to avoid making Leo angry, especially when he already was acting weird these days. Raphael agreed with Donnie when he said that it did look like the two of them had exchanged personalities, Leo was volatile and kinda temperamental at  _ nothing  _ while he was actually kind of patient about this. 

He blamed Leo’s strange new sweet smell for that, it made him calm somehow. He has been smelling like that for little over a month and, the first time it hit his nostrils, Raphael felt he would die if he didn’t have Leo right at the moment, it was probably the most animalistic fuck they ever had. In the next days, it was not as strong as the first time, but it still made Raphael feel good and all he wanted to do was put Leo on his lap and kiss him silly and then just lay together in the bed with him for hours and hours. And it was weird because no one else seemed to notice the new smell, even Leo himself.

Meh, whatever. Raph didn’t care about it as long as he could stick his hand in Leo’s pants, which happened last night, this morning when they woke up and then in the bathroom less than an hour later. And Raph was totally in the mood for one more round tonight. 

After sending Leo a suggestive text, he and Casey raced with their motorcycles to the lair, Casey got to win this time and mocked Raph about it, which made him get a punch in the arm. Both of them exited the garage just to find April, Donnie, Mikey, and Splinter in the living room, they definitely did not look happy.

\- What’s up with those gloomy faces? - Casey asked when he approached April, giving her a quick kiss on the forehead.

No one answered.

\- What’s going on? - Raph asked - Where’s Leo?

\- He is in his room - Mikey said - I would not go there now.

\- Why? Did he lose his cool again? - Raph asked.

\- Raphael - Splinter caught his attention - Your brother finds himself in a very delicate situation. He is in need of some space now.

\- What? So you found out what was wrong with him? - Raph felt his temper already getting worse.

\- Yes - Donnie nodded - It’s better if--

\- Raph - Leo appeared, standing miserably in the balcony of the upper level - Can we talk? 

\- ...Sure - he said after giving everyone a curious look.

The air was thick, he could feel it. And knew it was really serious when he saw that even Mikey was not looking happy. Following Leo, he noticed that he was not wearing his mask and his eyes were puffy and red, he was walking with his shoulders slumped and even tried to avoid Raphael’s gaze. He led Raph to his bedroom where he silently closed the door and leaned on it while still not looking at his eyes.

\- Leo, what’s going on? - He broke the silence after Leo was trying to figure out what to say. Raphael was actually afraid of what could make everyone look so down, it had to be something really important.

\- This will sound ridiculous - Leo finally said - But please, just believe in me, okay?

\- Sure - Raph said and sat on the bed.

\- I’m... - Leo audibly gulped and looked at Raph in the eyes - I’m pregnant

\- What? - Raph said incredulously and he almost laughed. But there was a strange fear in Leo’s eyes, and he replayed what he said inside his head -  _ What? _

\- Somehow my body has the capacity of bearing children - Leo sighed - And now two hearts are beating near… - He pressed his palm on the lower side of his plastron - Somewhere near here. Donnie examined me this morning and my blood test also confirmed it.

Raphael was silent, still looking at Leo like he was trying to guess whether he was joking or not. But the scene in the living room and Leo’s broken appearance were just too real for it to be a joke. And now Raphael’s brain was trying to reason the fact that Leo was standing there to give him the news that their little sexual escapades had made a very not expected result. 

\- Raph? - Leo asked, but Raphael didn’t even indicate he was listening. His eyes were petrified while he looked at nothing - Raphael?

_ What. The. Fuck. _

\- No - Raph got up and waved his hand - Wait - He chuckled nervously - Are you telling me that… - He pointed to Leo’s plastron - There’s two  _ fucking _ babies growing in there?

\- Yes - he considered reprimanding the language, but had, long ago, gave up trying to.

\- Alright - Raph said and paused to look directly at Leo’s plastron - But yer not-- Yer not a  _ woman,  _ I’m not an expert but I’m pretty sure women don’t have--

\- I know, Raph - Leo cut him before he could say the obvious - Donnie just found out and he said he still needs to learn more about this before jumping at any other conclusions.

Raphael stared at Leo’s stomach, and then his face, and then his stomach again.

\- God fucking dammit - Raph said with his hands on his hips - What the fuck, Leo?!

Deep inside Leo was thankful for this reaction. It is way better than a rage attack or something, and that was very possible coming from Raph. He watched silently as the sai-wielder paced around the room while mumbling curses and questions. He didn’t know what to do or say, Raph didn’t seem happy with the situation, and the last thing Leonardo wanted was to scare him off this. His pride and still apprehension of opening up didn’t let him admit, but he was really struggling and hoping for some comfort from Raphael. 

Their relationship was still new, still too raw for that. They have been together for only 6 months after a confrontation Leo would never forget and he was still getting used to the fact that Raphael was  _ there _ for him and sometimes it was okay to be vulnerable and open up to him and vice-versa, they were doing a good job on that until this very moment, where Leo was holding back the fact that he just wanted to open the door and run and Raphael just seemed too confused to do anything at all.

There was also the fact that it’s been only 3 months that their family knew of their relationship and the same amount of time they had been… intimate. And ever since they still were settling up, still testing things out, still coming to understand their own feelings and now  _ this  _ happens? They must be really fucking lucky.

It seemed time was going on forever when Raphael finally looked like he came into acceptance of what Leo said. He took a deep, deep breath and then let it out. 

\- So - he said after a while - So yer pregnant.

\- Yes - Leo still cringed with the word.

\- ‘kay - Raph replied - Alright.

\- You don’t look alright - Leo said quietly while looking at the floor

\- Do I have a choice? - Raph said chuckled angrily - What now?

\- I don’t know - Leo sighed - Donnie said he didn’t know anything about this, it will probably take him a few days to be sure about anything. He only knows that there are two, um, babies and I’m probably into 5 or 6 weeks. - Leo expected him to say something,  _ anything,  _ but they just sat in silence for a couple of minutes - Donnie probably got something more to say about this - he hesitantly reached for the doorknob and waited for a moment before opening the door. Raphael followed him quietly and this somehow scared Leo more than he was prepared to.

Raphael left the room even more confused than he was when he entered, of all the things he expected when he saw his family’s desolated looks, Leo being  _ pregnant  _ was as possible as the Shredder coming back from the dead.

Everyone in the room tensed at the vision of Leo and Raph approaching them. Even Splinter lost his usually calm and collected expression and let the lair be filled with the uncertain air of the scary situation, he was currently making Leo some tea, hoping that will comfort him, he honestly had no idea, but was willing to give it a try. April was the first to stand up. Donnie, encouraged by her action, spoke.

\- Leo, hey - He said with a warm smile - So, you’re feeling okay? 

\- I am - Leo replied, looking stoic as ever - Sorry about earlier, I should not have stormed out like that. 

\- Leonardo, there’s nothing wrong about being apprehensive - Splinter reached his son with a cup of tea - Drink, you will feel better.

\- Thank you, sensei - Leo said taking the teacup from the rat.

\- So - Raph said sitting on a side of the sofa - Any idea of what to do?

\- About that - Donnie replied and tilted his head towards April

\- I have a friend that can give us some light - April said - She is an obstetrician, and I’m  _ sure  _ she can help us.

\- A human? - Raphael said with an arched brow.

\- She can examine the embryo better than me - Donnie nodded - It is the best solution I can think of.

\- Is it okay with you? - April said sympathetically.

\- It is - Leo agreed and sipped his tea, he knew he could trust April’s judgment - Sounds good.

\- Don’t you have any idea of how this happened? - Raphael asked Donnie

\- Well - Donnie spent all the time thinking about it - The only thing I can think of is that Leo is a hermaphrodite, meaning he’s got both male and female organs but - he paused for a moment and was a bit hesitant when he looked at Leo - you’re the same at us outside - Leo nodded - If you have a uterus, there must be a way of, well, reaching it, and that’s where things get confusing, that’s why we need Dr. Langistein’s help.

\- I already texted her - April said - Donnie, Casey and I are going to meet her to explain the situation, then we’ll go from there.

\- Oh she’s gonna love it - Casey joked as he got up, April and Donnie followed him.

\- Wait, yer going now? - Raph asked 

\- Yep - Casey answered.

\- The sooner the better - April said and patted Leo on the shoulder - She’s a very busy woman.

Leonardo smiled at her and watched as the three of them left the lair like some kind of heroes going to the rescue. The fact that the control was not on his hands just made him feel useless, he did not like the feeling of being dependent on someone’s else helps, being a burden didn’t suit him at all.

\- Leonardo - Sensing his inquietude, Splinter said - If you want to meditate, I will be in my chambers - he took the empty teacup off his son’s hand and put it on the sink.

\- Thank you, Sensei - He replied as Splinter left the room.

\- Hey bro - Mikey beamed at him, a true, actual optimistic smile that would be rather distasteful coming from another person, but the youngest was always the ray of light that guided them out of misery. Leo wanted to feel touched by that, he really did, but not this time, not in this situation. He forced a smile to not worry his baby brother - There’s pizza for you, but you shouldn’t eat that! Instead - Mikey ran to the kitchen and came back with a big bowl of salad - I googled what a 6-week-pregnant person - God bless him, he said person instead of woman - should eat. Greens!

\- ...Thank you, Mikey - He smiled and grabbed the bowl while carefully watched Raphael taking a beer from the fridge, the hot-head still looked lost in his own head. Leo tried not to feel unhappy with that, but deep down he was miserable and his messed emotions did not help him either. He felt like he was going to burst at any time. 

Anytime soon.

. . . . . . . . 

**_Run run run run run run run run run run run run_ **

That was the only thing he could think of. 

**_Why why why why why WHY_ **

Eating dinner was like eating rocks, he forced the food down his stomach with the intention to please his little brother, but every time he swallowed the food, he felt his stomach aching.

**_Not happening not happening not happening_ **

After forcibly eating dinner, he went to his room to sleep and Raph didn’t go with him, he didn’t look at him, he didn’t talk with him and it made Leo’s stomach turn with frustration. Sleeping alone at a time like that just made him go mad again.

**_He hates me he hates me he hates me_ **

His once comfortable room made him claustrophobic, he needed to get out of there.

**_This is not okay this is not okay nOT OKAY_ **

He didn’t realize he was running until the backside of his legs started to hurt and his lungs started to fail him. He felt betrayed by his own body and knowing that there was something inside of him just made his body feel heavier and heavier. 

**_No no no no no why_ **

He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t run. He couldn’t control his own body and his mind. His body ached. He sat down at the vision of a familiar place. 

. . . . . . 

Coming back home and hoping to go speak to Leo, Donnie got really scared when he realized his brother was not at home, however, finding him was not so hard. Although he didn’t take his phone with him and it was not possible to track him down, Raphael knew Leo enough to have an idea of the possible places he could be and was lucky to find him right at the first try. He was at a place they both used to go when they were little kids, and it was also the place they used to come to make out at the beginning of their relationship, they didn’t need it anymore.

When he found him, the leader was sitting on the floor, shell against a wall, arms crossed protectively around his body, trembling and looking utterly horrible. Raph stood in front of him and stared at the sorry turtle. Some sadist part of him would have loved the look on the leaders face, but, in light of recent events, Raph could only feel worried, and slightly guilty.

\- Yer lucky I noticed ya forgot yer jacket - He sat down at Leo’s side and tried handing him the piece of clothing, but the bastard didn’t even move - Well, yer welcome.

When Leo didn’t really look like he was going to move, Raphael put a hand behind his shell and moved his body forward enough to cover him with the jacket. The movement made the katana-wielder sigh and Raph could see his eyes slowly getting wet. 

\- Leo - Raph rested his hand on his lover’s knee - Why didn’t ya tell me that it bothered ya this much? 

He didn’t answer. But his lips twitched.

\- We’ve been over this - Raph kept talking - I want ta help ya and ya know I suck at this kinda thing, there’s no way I can know that ya need my help if yer acting  _ fearless  _ all the time!

He trembled, his nails hurt his arms, he didn’t want to talk. Raph has had enough. Hooking his arm under Leo’s knees, he pulled his legs over his own, making their bodies get closer.

\- Talk to me - He demanded, dangerously close to shouting. Unfortunately, sometimes the only way to make Leo talk was through pressure, he learned it in the worst way.

\- I’m-- I’m scared, okay? - He finally admitted, and through the confession he let a tiny amount of tears escape his eyes - I-- C-Can’t even run or train without feeling like-- Like I got no control over my  _ own  _ body! You have no idea of how h-horrible it feels!

\- See, not that hard - Raph teased and Leo lowered his head, sobbing once, then twice, and then breaking - Leo, hey - He was quick to put his arm behind the smaller turtle’s shell and pull him into an embrace - I’m sorry - he felt Leo’s hand gripping the fabric of his sweatshirt, he grabbed the hand and stroked it with his thumb - I know that musta be scary and shit, but ya gotta stop acting like ya can handle it by yerself.

\- ...I’m okay - he murmured 

\- Like shit ya are - He shouldn’t let his temper so obvious like that, but the sewers were the worst place to be on a cold night and he was worried about this bastard of a brother who was shivering and crying in his arms. 

They sat in silence for a couple of minutes. Raphael did everything he could to warm the freezing turtle beneath him, he rubbed his arm gently and shared body heat until Leo didn’t feel like a walking popsicle anymore. Looking down at him, Raph noticed he was still quietly crying.

\- I’m scared - Leo finally said - And... I was afraid that you’d be angry with… - he waved his hand over his abdomen - All… This…

\- I’m not - Raph said, he really couldn’t be - I was jus’ taken by surprise, it is still hitting me and  _ c’mon  _ Leo - he snorted - It’s kinda my fault, I mean, I knocked ya up, didn’t I?

Leo didn’t know if he felt scandalized or amused by the commentary. He just chuckled.

\- Yer gonna be alright - Raph whispered and ran a thumb to get rid of the tears wetting his cheek - I’m here, and y’know - He tilted the leader’s chin with his thumb - I love ya, and stuff - he kissed the space between Leo’s eyes, then his eyelid, his cheek and his lips.

That managed to get him a shy smile. This was still new between them, but he should say that more often.

\- I love you too, Raphael - He whispered and, if it wasn’t the dark, Raphael would be able to see his flushed cheeks.

\- Real bad idea to come in here like that when yer the most cold-blooded of the four of us - Teasing Leo was in his blood, it was inevitable. Leo kept silent. - Yer lucky I’m the warmest - he ran his hand over the skin-exposed parts of the oldest’s body and that’s the kind of moments Leo cherished in his heart the most. 

They weren’t used to voice their affections, saying “I love you” to the other in this context still felt odd, but it was there, they both knew it was there and it always seemed to be. They were best friends when they were little kids, they were inseparable, always at each other’s backs, always together, but as they grew up and their personalities and team roles were developed, they drifted away and the confronts had started, though they both weren’t sure  _ how _ , but they drifted away badly and even hurt each other as a result. 

It also made Raphael realize a bunch of reasons behind some of the rage attacks towards Leonardo. They were competitive in absolutely everything, always trying to step higher above the other, it was amusing, natural, they didn’t hate each other for that, and maybe, at first, he didn’t really like the fact that Leo was the leader and not him. But as they grew older, Raphael found other reasons to be angry, Leonardo’s stupid self-sacrifice bullshit was probably the main one. His past interest in Karai seemed to bother the sai-wielder more than it bothered Donnie and Mikey, and the fact that he didn’t come back from the stupid jungle-training was the last straw to him.

He said he hoped that Leo would never come back, but he ached for his brother’s presence. Raphael didn’t give a shit if it was his duty as a leader to protect his team and neither if he was learning to be a better one in a remote jungle somewhere in the world. Raphael didn’t want him running away with the evil, manipulative bitch that was Karai and getting hurt by her. Raph wanted him right where he was, in the warm comfort of his arms, it was where Leo belonged and it was where Raph belonged. Existence wasn’t worth it if he didn’t get to be Leonardo. It just didn’t make sense to keep going on with life if Leo wasn’t there with him, and he swore to himself to never let anything bad happen to this prick ever again.

But if it was there something Raph learned about his brother, was that there were many layers of trust he still had to go through, but Raphael, being the hot-head he was, just wanted to rip them until he got to the core of Leo’s mind. He desperately wanted to prevent Leo from doing this self-isolating damn coping mechanism and didn’t ever want to see Leo’s wrist bleeding ever again. He was still learning to be gentle, still trying not to shout at Leo every now and then and scaring him away from his care.

With Leo’s now peaceful breathing tickling his neck, Raph smiled thinking that maybe he was doing a good job.

\- Sleepin’? - he murmured gently

\- No.

\- Let’s go back home. Don an’ Mikey are worried.

. . . . . . 

\- Good thing I made him eat some veggies before he ran away, or he probably would have passed out or something - Mikey said looking at his phone, Raph had sent them a message saying that Leo was okay and they were coming back home - He looked like he was going to when you guys left.

Donnie nodded sadly as he too looked at the message. Revisiting in his head all the ways he could deal with this situation without making Leo worse than he already was. The visit to Dr. Langistein was good, she was, as expected, astonished by the view of a giant turtle entering her apartment, but as April said, no, she was not scared at all and was even friendlier than they expected her to be. The more Donnie explained his brother’s situation, the more amazed she showed to be, and in the end, she eagerly made Leo an appointment and, aware of his current mental state, promised to be sensitive about the topic, and not call him “baby mama” as she used to call her patients. As it was already late at night, April and Casey went home and Donnie was going to speak with Leo.

All things considered, everything was alright, except for the fact that his brother was mentally unstable.

\- It’s my fault - Donnie sighed - They way I told him--

\- Shut up, brainiac - Mikey laughed - Leo was going to lose his mind one way or another, now we just gotta be careful, let Raphie do his magic.

Donnie smiled.

\- Dr. Langistein said he is going to be emotional for a while, especially because he’s got twins - Donnie said

\- Do you think they are going to keep the babies? 

\- I… Don’t know? - Donnie said - Honestly, it’s Raph and Leo, they always manage to surprise us with absolutely  _ everything.  _

\- I hope so, that would be nice - The youngest smiled, Donnie could only agree.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I'm a bitch, I decided to put the surprise right at the confusing beginning of their relationship, it wouldn't make sense for Leo to get pregnant at another time. If you're curious, they had sex (with Leo being the bottom) three times before the time they conceived the babies.   
> And their relationship is still complicated, I hope I did this part well, comment to let me know!  
> Next chapter we're gonna have a little bit of Doctor Irma and Donnie explaining some stuff, hope you guys are ready for it!


	4. The Doctor's appointment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leo goes to Irma's clinic for her to examine his body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about taking too long to post it! I'm in college and I had 2 works to do, it was a nightmare!!  
> But I'm free now! And I'm planning a one-shot fanfic about Donnie (with implied OT4), so I'm gonna write that down and come back to this one.  
> TW: Graphic descriptions of hysteroscopy

The next day was kinda awkward. In the morning, when sitting down at the dining table to eat breakfast, everyone was hyper-aware of the situation and it had gone even weirder when the first thing Leo did in the morning was almost passing out when he was making himself some tea. That particular morning Donatello felt like drinking a whole litre of coffee to help him deal with the incoming headache, but then, when Leonardo sat down and gave him a small, warm smile, he reminded of Mikey’s word the night before and internally thanked Raphael for whatever he did to calm Leo’s nerves.

Happy with the good mood, Don explained to him what he discussed with Dr Langistein, they needed to go to her clinic this night at midnight after her last patient’s appointment to avoid getting unnecessary attention, and then she would examine Leo and give him the results as soon as possible. He mentioned she was kind and patient to assure his brother he would be in good hands, because, well, the examinations were rather intrusive, and Donnie wanted the leader to be very aware of that. Leo seemed okay with the arrangement.

The day had gone as normal as it was allowed to be, Mikey was playing video-games, Raph was lifting weight, Donnie was working at his lab and Master Splinter was keeping Leo company while they both tended the little bonsais and other plants they were able to grow in the lair (thanks to Donnie and the greenhouse he built)

. . . . . 

Failing the mission for the fifth time, Mikey paused the game and pouted at the screen, finally considering giving up trying as his mind wandered through something very distant from the game. Looking at the Lair’s corner where Leo was at with Splinter, the youngest scanned his brother’s body to seek any physical change, and he could swear that, when Leo was relaxed and calm, it did look like his belly had grown a little bit, and he looked softer than he used to. Maybe it was his mind playing tricks on him, maybe it was not. Anyway, the truth was that he couldn’t stop thinking about it, especially what it might mean to Leo and Raph’s relationship.

About eight months ago, everything was a mess, Karai was back after the Winter’s fight, she reached out to Leo without them knowing and something about it just broke him badly. He isolated himself, was doing everything to avoid his family’s presence and he didn’t talk about it with anyone. When they discovered about it, Raphael, definitely not happy with it, decided to do something, and whatever that was, it worked.

It’s been three months since the day they found out the reason why Raphael and Leonardo had been acting strange with each other, well, strange as in being way too friendly and not fighting as much as they used to, if that was ever a reason to be suspicious about, but something inside Mikey’s brain just shouted at himself, he knew something was going on, and he was right, Leo and Raph had a relationship, and it was as strange as it sounded.

But well, it worked, right?

The fact was, they didn’t really seem to be in a relationship, not at all. Mikey never saw them kissing, hugging or at least touching each other fondly. In the best of the occasions, they just looked at each other lovingly and that happened only twice, one of the times was days after they told the family about their relationship and the other was days ago, when he knew it was because of Leo’s strange pregnancy hormones. The only indication that they were  _ really  _ together was the walk of shame one of them did after spending the night at the other’s room. That used to amuse Mikey, but now it worried him.

He was not a genius, but he knew people, and he knew how much of a problem an unexpected baby could be, especially in this case. Leo’s reaction when Donnie told him the truth was expected due to his anxiety problems, but even after being assured that everything would be alright, Leo was acting weird around Raph after telling him he was pregnant, and then he ran away from home in the middle of the night.

And yeah, he did tell Donnie last night to just “let Raphie do his magic”, but the more he thought about it, the more he was worried about the situations’ capability of exploding, and the lair’s weird quietness was ravishing. Leo’s situation was too big for them to be acting like everything was alright. He knew of Leo’s ability to keep things hidden deep down, that made him unsure of his own theory, but suddenly Raphael appeared in the living room, saying he was going topside for a run, the clock in the kitchen announced that it was dark outside and Raphael looked really eager to go. 

As he exited the lair, Mikey took a quick glance of Leo’s expression, and for a second he could see the desolation in his big brother’s eyes. It was brief, the fearless leader composure came back almost instantly, but that confirmed Mikey’s suspicion. Tossing the controller on the sofa, Michelangelo texted April, asking her to come over.

. . . . . . 

\- Are you sure of that? - Donnie asked Mikey after he explained his apprehension. The three of them met in the genius lab to talk privately.

\- It makes sense - April nodded at Mikey - It doesn’t really look like they’re together at all, at least I’ve never seen them doing something a normal couple does...

\- And it’s not even that - Mikey kept talking - It is the fact that they clearly don’t know how to deal with this, I’m almost sure they hadn’t talked about it like, for REAL.

\- Yeah - The genius sighed - You’re right, it’s not something easy to deal with, especially for them but… What should we do?

\- We could  _ ask  _ them! - Mikey said - We’re their brothers and we’re worried about them, and it’s obvious that they can’t deal with that by themselves, dude! 

\- But… It’s Raph and Leo - April said - We know that Leo usually keeps things to himself but Raph is no better.

\- I think we should give them time - Donnie said - Let’s pay attention to the way they cope with the situation and, if needed, we intervene. Things might be easier after Dr Langistein--

\-  _ Irma -  _ April laughed - She insisted, Donnie

\- After  _ Irma -  _ He chuckled - tells us more about Leo’s pregnancy.

\- Alright - Mikey said - Fair enough

\- Anyway, Irma should be waiting for us in a couple of hours - April checked her watch - Did you talk to Leo?

\- Yes - Donnie answered - He was okay with it

\- And Raph?

\- He didn’t say anything - Donnie added - Actually he hadn’t touched the subject with me and… I don’t know how he reacted when Leo told him. He acts like he doesn’t mind, it’s really hard to know what he’s thinking.

\- I think he is upset - Mikey said - He went to the surface as soon as it was dark and he usually would invite Leo to go for a run. I really think he just wants to be alone.

\- And you said Leo seemed sad? - April asked

\- I’m almost sure, he always says something like “Be careful” or “Don’t come back late” but this time he was just silent. I’m sure it means something - Mikey said.

\- Not wise to leave when Leo is like that, but I don’t blame him - Donnie said - Gosh, I don’t know what to do.

\- Let’s just wait - April said and patted the genius’ shell.

. . . . . . . 

The day has gone as normal as it was allowed to be, Leonardo said inside his head. He couldn’t blame anyone for being awkward about it, it was new and it was  _ weird. _ And he couldn’t blame Raphael for being distant, but he quite couldn’t understand why. Even after their talk the night before he still felt they needed to discuss more this, but he didn’t know how. He was lost and he felt a part of him breaking when the hothead just decided to go out tonight without letting him know beforehand like he  _ always  _ did. There was something wrong,  _ everything  _ felt wrong.

\- Leonardo - Splinter said sensing his uneasiness - What bothers you, my son?

\- I-- - How would he explain? - I don’t know…

\- Are you and Raphael on the same page about this situation? - The rat spoke like he could read his mind.

\- I-- I think so? - He chuckled nervously - We talked last night and… He said he was just surprised, is all. 

\- He does not seem just surprised - Splinter said

\- I can’t know what he is thinking, Sensei - Leo sighed

\- But you need to, Leonardo - The rat said - This is a delicate situation. The two of you always had trouble communicating in the past, and I sense that still is the case - He smiled warmly - I am worried about your mind, my son. And I can see that Raphael is just as affected with this as you are. You two still need to talk about this matter.

\- Yes, father - Leonardo nodded and stared at his bonsai tree. A warm palm rested on his shoulder and the dark-red eyes of his father stared at him sympathetically. He smiled sadly.

\- And what do you feel about this? - Splinter asked almost hesitantly.

\- I don’t know, really - Leonardo answered and quickly looked down at his stomach - I’d rather have some answers before coming to a conclusion. I don’t even know if I can survive this, let alone the… Children…? - he said and instantly felt bad. It was a feeling of weakness he couldn’t simply get rid off.

\- I understand - Splinter nodded - And I agree. I have faith you will do what is better for you, my son.

\- Thank you, father - Leo smiled, and that was genuine, the rat smiled back.

Splinter was clearly still getting used to Leonardo and Raphael’s new situation. It has gotten him by surprise, part of him was still attached to his previous human culture and seeing two of his sons in an incestuous romantic relationship didn’t sink in well at first, it caused conflict between him and his eldests. But not so much time later, he thought about the good changes that came with the relationship and how upset the two of them were because of his rejection. He talked to them once again, he listened clearly about what they were feeling, and realizing that it was only natural for them to be together, he apologized for being close-minded. 

Now he was caught by surprise again, but this time it was different. And he was willing to do things right.

The father and the son spent the rest of the evening in silence, just enjoying each other’s company while finishing their task. But the back of Leo’s head throbbed madly, he was starting to feel sick again and he hated it. He couldn’t have a single conversation with anyone without getting emotional and the shame came instantly with it. 

\- Leo! - April appeared in his vision - Hello Master Splinter - she added once she saw the rat, he smiled at her - Irma is gonna be waiting for us in an hour, okay? 

\- Okay - Leo smiled and nodded. Taking a deep breath, he looked at his side where Splinter smiled at him again. He put the gardening tools in their belonging places and walked to the bathroom to take a nice, warm bath before facing his fears.

. . . . . . 

Irma Langinstein was truly quite an odd human. Her pretty young face looked tired with dark purple circles under her eyes, yet she looked energetic and cheerful, somehow being young and mature simultaneously. She greeted Donnie with a big smile, they now looked like good friends, she smiled at April and Casey and then she looked at Leo. Her onyx eyes stared at him with such warmth that it made him flinch. April gently held his arm and introduced him to the brunette. 

\- Hello, Leonardo - She bowed her head - It is a pleasure to meet you.

\- Hello Dr Langistein - He greeted - Thank you for having me.

\- Oh please, call me Irma - She laughed and rolled the sleeves of her coat up.

Her clinic was supposed to be cosy, it had medical diagrams on the walls, tiny sculptures of wombs and pictures of babies and pregnant women everywhere, it had a nice flowery smell and it was perfectly warm. Comfortable-looking chairs, pictures of her happy family and plants decorated the place. But Leo stood still like it was the worst place ever, those good-looking pregnant ladies’ pictures judged him like the intruder he felt he was. He didn’t belong there.

\- We’re gonna wait outside - April said as she walked out with Casey.

\- Ok. Sit down, please - Irma said as she sat on a chair - Let’s talk a little bit.

\- You’re gonna need me? - Donnie said before reaching for a chair.

\- Only if Leonardo wants - She said and looked at Leo - The questions will be a little particular.

He’d rather have Raphael by his side, that would definitely make him feel safer.

\- You can go, Don - Leo told his brother and sat. Donnie stared at his eyes for a second and then left, silently closing the door.

\- So - She smiled - Donatello showed me your exams, and everything points that you are pregnant. I’m here to discover how, and for that, I need everything you can tell me about your health, okay?

\- Okay.

\- I’m gonna have to write that down, if you don’t mind - She opened the laptop that was on her desk - First, in the past 2 or more months, have you felt different? Did you have any strange humour alteration?

\- Well, um - He gulped and grabbed the fabric of his pants - I did feel slightly different, I felt more… stressed and quite sensitive, for no reason at all.

\- Did you feel any kind of cramps? 

\- I-- - He looked down to think about it - Yes, I think so, but it was weak and didn’t happen too often, it only happened twice, about a month ago.

\- Alright - she typed that on her laptop, the tapping of the keyboard was the only sound filling the clinic. - The first time was more than 6 weeks ago?

\- Yes, it was.

\- Mmm-hmm - she nodded and suddenly the door opened again.

\- Hey - Raphael appeared unexpectedly. The red-banded turtle stared at Leo as he held the door open - Do ya want company? 

\- Yes - Leo said and smiled fondly, a warmth grew inside his chest as Raphael approached him. 

\- Oh hello, um, Raphael? - She lifted her hand for him to shake.

\- Yes, hi doc

\- Good to have you here - She smiled at the nickname - Please - she pointed to the chair next to Leo, where he sat.

\- Well, we were talking about possible hormonal changes that Leonardo had before the conception itself - she said to Raph and then turned her head towards Leo - Maybe your body was changing and releasing hormones, I suppose it would be similar to when women experience premenstrual syndrome, mood swings and cramps are normal occurrences. Donatello and I think that you already had some kind of inactive womb, and then your body had entered some kind of fertile period, probably stimulated by sexual activities.

Leo felt his stomach turning at the mention.

\- And, well, for how long have you been sexually active? - She asked

_ Well shit.  _

\- For, ah, the last three months, I believe - He blushed and avoided Irma and Raph’s gazes.

\- And, before you got pregnant, 6 weeks ago, how many times did you do it in a way that could result in your current state?

\- I think - Raph said after a few seconds of silence - Maybe 4 times?

\- Yes - Leo blushed and the said moments replayed inside his head - 4 times.

\- Ok - she typed that down - Did you feel a strong urge to have sex in this period?

That was so forward that Leo’s mind forgot to answer. Raph didn’t know if he wanted to laugh or if he wanted to tell her to fuck off. But he knew they had to be serious, and answering this was crucial to solving their problem. 

\- That’s when Leo started to smell sweet - Raph explained while looking at him, who was clearly uncomfortable - It was not sweet at first, not like it was in the last few days. It made me want to… Y’know, like, do stuff.

Talking about it was harder than it seemed.

\- It made you aroused? The both of you? 

\- Yes - Leo answered this time and Raph nodded.

\- But - Raph’s eyes opened wide, the realization hit him - There was this one time, it was really early in the morning, we were sleepin’ and, um...

\- I was sweating too much, it was almost painful - Leo said - My body felt hot and-- It was something I had to satisfy.

\- The smell was really strong that time, like it was intoxicating - Raph said blushing - And it felt… Different that time

\- I see - She had her arms on the desk and her body was slightly leaned towards them, she had the same expression Donnie had when he was about to discover something - How different? 

\- Well-- Um-- We didn’t-- - Leo stuttered as he tried not to panic - We usually need to use lube, but that time we were so frenzied we didn’t think about it... 

\- You were wet? - She said, and God knows how the hell she could keep a straight face while saying it.

\- Yes - Leo murmured and tried not to die on the spot.

\- Also… - Raph said - It felt different from... The inside?

\- Like a different texture? - she said. Both nodded as an answer - Well, that is definitely something. I’m going to need physical examinations for it - She rose from her chair - Donatello explained to me a little bit of your anatomy, yours must be different somehow - she opened a door that led to another room - If you’re comfortable, all you need to do is lie down on the examination chair, the procedure is quite intrusive. I’m going to have to examine your cloaca to make a hysteroscopy, which is literally sticking a camera inside you to check your uterus. Are you okay with that? - she said softly

\- Yes - Leo said and inhaled deeply.

\- I’m gonna go talk to Donnie. I’m going to need him here for it - She said as she took a piece of clothing out of a drawer - Go to the examination room, take off your pants, wear this and sit on the examination chair, I’ll be there in 5 minutes - she looked at Raph - If you want to be with him, you can go too.

\- Alright - Raph said as he and Leo entered the other room and closed the door.

And there was silence, Raphael didn’t know what to say while Leo just stared blankly for the piece of clothing Irma gave him. He looked lost, Raphael had seen this look on his face enough times to understand that Leo was close to his breaking point. The sai-wielder felt like a true jerk, he arrived there as soon as Donnie called to tell him Leo was not okay, and it probably had something to do with him leaving the lair the way he did. He gets it, he acted like an idiot, and it hurt Leo, he didn’t mean to do that. He is confused too, but how can that be comparable with what Leo was going through? Looking at the poor turtle in front of him, Raphael regretted what he did. 

\- ‘ey - he said in the low, sweet voice that never failed to make Leo blush. The leader looked at him poorly - It’s alright, she’s gon’ help you

\- I know - the leader nodded - I know

Raphael stepped forward, taking the clothing from his lover’s hand and placing it on the examination chair. 

\- Quit being a baby and let the doc do her work - he gently stroked Leo’s arms and touched their beaks together. Leo exhaled and smiled softly - I will be here to hold yer hand if ya get scared. 

\- Easy for you to say, you won’t be the one with a camera inside you - Leo said relaxing into the touch.

\- Touche - He teased and stepped back, giving Leo space to take his pants off and wear the patient gown - Sexy.

\- Shut up - the leader sat on the examination chair, putting his hands on his lap, he grabbed the cloth to try calming his nerves.

\- You’re gonna be alright - Raph kissed his head and heard the someone knocking the door - Come in

\- Hey - It was Donnie, followed by Irma.

\- Hello, Leonardo - she said while putting some gloves on - For your safety’s sake, your brother will be the one that directly touches you. Is this okay with you?

\- Yes - He said.

\- Please, lie down and place your legs on the stirrups - she said.

In this position, his legs were spread and raised in the air and his tail and rear were completely exposed. The sting of shame stabbed him hard and he closed his eyes. Soon he felt Donnie’s gloved hands touching his tail.

\- Leo, you need to relax - Donnie said. Taking a deep breath, Leo let his slit open but not let his penis out. Opening his eyes, he saw Raph standing very next to him, the look of concern on his face would be amusing if they weren’t in this situation.

\- That’s where you’re gonna insert the speculum - Irma said, pointing somewhere neither Leo nor Raph could see.

\- That might be uncomfortable - Donnie said to Leo - I will go slowly, you tell me when to stop, ok?

\- Ok - Leo answered and he felt something entering his cloaca. It was not only uncomfortable, it was more painful than he expected, he closed his eyes again and tried not to let out the whimper he was currently holding. When it finished entering, it started to feel like it was opening. He did everything he could to not cry, he couldn’t cry, he wasn’t weak like that - Stop, stop - his voice was more shaken than he meant it to be.

\- It is enough - The woman said - Leonardo, I’m going to insert the camera inside. If it hurts you, please, tell me. 

\- I will - he replied.

Something very thin entered him, it felt like a wire, it probably was. Beside him was a screen that was turned on. The image that appeared was not pleasant, he knew it was inside of him all red and wet and weird. When Irma and Donnie saw, they gasped.

\- There it is - she said while moving the camera - Two openings. 

\- What does that mean? - Raphael, for some reason, asked.

\- Here is his rectum - She said while the image moved - Here is the vaginal canal. For the angle, it is understandable that you haven’t noticed that before, I suppose it was literally closed before Leo’s body decided to change.

Leonardo felt sick looking at that, he just wanted to get up and run away. Turning his head to anywhere but the screen, he shut his eyes close and waited for it to finish. A full minute in silence passed when Donnie gasped again. Raphael stepped closer to the screen.

\- Those are…? - Raph said, looking at the screen with wide-open eyes.

Leo’s curiosity got better of him, and he turned his head to see what was so mesmerizing.

In the screen, between angry and wet red, there was the weirdest little thing Leo had ever seen. Not one,  _ two.  _ They were tiny, but somehow he could recognize that they had bodies, heads, little tiny black dots that Leo assumed would be their eyes and they were involved in one big transparent sac. Everyone’s eyes were glued on those ugly things.

\- Yes, 6 weeks - Irma said, moving the camera a little closer and the things  _ moved _ . - The development looks fine. The womb looks fine. Everything looks normal to me.

_ How DARE you saying everything is normal? How can you even SAY that?? _

\- Now listen - She did something and suddenly there was audio, the sounds of very fast  _ thumps  _ filled the room.

\- That is incredible - Donnie smiled - I want this footage.

_ What? No! _

\- I’ll send it to you - she smiled - Alright, enough, let’s not force Leo’s body into this anymore.

The screen turned off, but Leo couldn’t get his eyes out of it, he was so distracted by what he saw that he didn’t feel when Donnie removed all the equipment out of him. Everything felt abnormally cold. He couldn’t feel his legs, his eyes watered and he felt conscience slipping out.

\- We’re almost done for today - Irma said, removing her gloves, Donnie did the same - I just need one new blood sample of yours. 

He couldn’t answer, he couldn’t breathe, he wasn’t in his body anymore.

\- Leo? - Raph said as unfocused blue eyes looked at him. A second later, they closed and his head fell back - Leo?!

\- Oh no - Donnie said, approaching his brother’s body - He passed out.

\- Oh dear - Irma said - It must be really overwhelming to him.

\- Yes, the last few months were quite bad to him - Donnie sighed, removing Leo’s legs from the stirrups. Looking between them, he noticed his slit was slightly dripping, and looked away blushing - Uh, Raph. I think it’s better if you… Clean it for him - Irma handed him a towel - I’m gonna take a blood sample while he’s unconscious. Anything else? 

\- Not for now - Irma replied - I just wanted to know his feelings about the babies, y’know, if he wants to proceed with the pregnancy.

\- He said he was scared - Raph murmured as he carefully cleaned Leo’s crotch - He said it felt horrible, like he didn’t have control over his own body.

\- I see - The woman sighed - So it’s more probable that he will want to terminate it.

After taking a blood sample, Donatello and Irma left the room. Raphael remained in thoughtful silence while he stripped Leo from the medical gown and dressed him with his pants. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I'm being too cruel with Leo, the poor baby!  
> But, you know, surprise baby + anxiety do not blend well. Stay tuned for the next chapter, I will talk a little bit about Raphael's thoughts!


	5. Troubled minds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raphael and Leonardo deal with what they saw, each having their own thoughts about the situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry about disappearing!! College is making me crazy and I'm kinda into a new relationship... My heart has been a little bit distracted by him lately, I think you guys know how things work when we're in love <3

There was a strange swell on Raphael’s chest whenever he thought about what was happening. And he was really, really confused.

It was difficult to form an opinion about all this situation, especially when their relationship was already complicated, with stuff he was still trying to make work out, and the main one being Leonardo’s mind. Leonardo was not alright, he hasn’t been alright for months, every single bad thing that could happen to him happened in a sequence of never-ending suffering. Piece by piece, Leonardo’s soul was being torn apart, and when Raphael thought he was close to getting Leo out of his mind-bubble, this happened, and they were slowly coming back to the beginning.

His top priority was to make sure Leo was alright, to help him cope with whatever suffering he was going through. Raphael swore to himself to never let his brother get hurt like that again, but this was way more complicated than he thought. 

He couldn’t sleep that night.

. . . . . . 

Opening his eyes, Leonardo found himself alone at his cold bed, the memories of the last night manifested inside his mind as soon as he could form a thought, the shame and guilt also made their presence. His body protested when he moved to get up, a headache slowly formed in the sides of his head and a strange discomfort in his tail. The clock on the bedside table told him it was early in the morning, but later than the hour he usually got up.

Walking out of his room, he noticed that Raphael’s room was open, meaning he was not there. The lair was almost completely empty with the exception of Splinter’s presence, who was in the kitchen making tea. There were two teacups on a tray on the table, one of them was the one Leo usually drank his tea (it was a gift April gave him a long time ago). Leonardo walked down the stairs towards his father. 

\- Good morning, sensei - Leo said and watched as Splinter put water in the tea kettle. 

\- Good morning, Leonardo - The rat smiled - How are you feeling?

\- I’m okay - he said and sat down at the table - And you?

\- I’m afraid you are not telling me the truth - He said 

Leonardo was silent. His insides turned and he sighed in defeat. 

\- Perhaps you should consider meditating with me now - The rat continued and smiled - Your mind is troubled, it will help you.

\- Yes, sensei - He said like his body wasn’t practically itching to refuse and go back to bed, and yet there was nothing he wanted more than to clear his mind, there was nothing else that could help him at this moment - I just want to take a shower first.

\- I will be waiting for you in the meditation room - The rat smiled, Leo nodded and left to the bathroom.

He quickly glanced at the quiet lair to find any other presence. At this hour, Michelangelo was probably still sleeping and, sometimes, so was Donatello when he went to sleep late, but not Raphael, he woke up every day at 7 am exercise in the gym room. Leonardo went to check if he was there, and the place was empty.

The lab was the only place he didn’t go, it was possible Raphael was there with Donnie, maybe doing something on his motorcycle or maybe talking about last night. If it was the latter, Leo didn’t want to know, so instead of going to check if they were there, he went towards the bathroom.

The face in the mirror definitely was not happy, Leonardo did everything to avoid looking at himself while he brushed his teeth, he didn’t want to look at that tired face and broken body anymore. The warm water of the shower eased his worries a little, enveloping him like a friendly hug, but this sensation faded away when he started scrubbing his plastron with a sponge and cringed when it touched his abdomen area. It reminded him of what he saw on that screen last night, now he knew exactly how those two little things looked like, and knowing they were really  _ there  _ made him not want to touch himself ever again. Resting his head against the wall, he watched the water running to the drain, dirty with the fluids of the body he didn’t belong anymore.

As if this whole thing wasn’t problematic enough, there were the pregnancy hormones to make it worse, even with him trying to be positive about it, his eyes watered and his chest ached with everything, sometimes even at absolutely nothing. It could be a nightmare, it  _ had _ to be a nightmare, a punishment of some sorts. The ghost of his past actions, haunting him for being a failure. He probably deserved it. 

At least today he wasn’t feeling nauseous, that was an improvement.

After the bath, he dressed and went towards the meditation room, where Splinter was probably waiting for him. On his way, he saw Raphael at the door of the lab, probably on his way out. The hothead seemed lost in his thoughts, barely even noticing Leo as he slipped by.

\- Raph - He called quietly

\- Hey - Raph said, surprised, taking two steps in Leo’s direction, but stopped at a very significant distance.

\- I will be meditating with Master Splinter today - He said.

\- Alright - Raph nodded - And, uh - he looked back at the lab quickly - Are ya feeling any pain? 

\- Well - he said - It is a little uncomfortable, there is no need to worry about it.

\- Okay - Raph said and nodded again - I will be here when ya finish. 

The scent of the candles filled his nostrils as soon as he opened the door of the meditation room, it was familiar and comforting, it was the place he went when he felt uneasy. In the middle of the room, Splinter waited for him. In front of the rat, there was a short table with the tea tray with the kettle and the little cups. 

\- Kneel - The rat said when Leonardo entered. He carefully filled Leo’s cup with tea and handed it to him - Drink, my son.

Doing as commanded, Leonardo drank the tea. The liquid pleasantly warmed his insides, his body relaxed almost instantly, his mind suddenly felt lighter. He breathed the steam deeply and then exhaled the hot air out of his body. Repeating this whole process until he drank all of the tea.

Placing the cup back on the table, Leonardo crossed his legs in the lotus position and closed his eyes. Seconds ticked by, the pure air of the room filled his lungs and the external sounds got lower and lower until all he heard was absolute silence. 

Then suddenly everything was blank, empty. The years and years of trained meditation helped him get to that place. Inside his mind, his interior, the core of his intimity, where he left all his fears, his secrets and the side he rarely exposed to anyone. It was where he was vulnerable and safe and raw. There, in the safest place of his soul, he was lost.

Subsiding into the unexpected darkness was not what Leonardo wanted when he was seeking the inner peace he was gradually losing, and he felt he was losing the grip with the control (he thought) he had. It was truly desperating, to say the truth, the mere seconds he spent inside the disorder of his mind were enough to destroy all of his self control.

And then he felt that. The pressure inside his belly.

It was as warm, inviting and full of love as it was terrifying, all of his body shuddered when he thought about the life that was being created inside of him. His mind was so torn apart that, if you asked him what he felt about it, he wouldn’t know how to answer, for the first time in a long time, he didn’t know what to do and he would do anything to have some guidance.

But how could he? It was so incredibly shameful he just wanted to hide in a corner and wait for the nightmare to end, for the disgrace of his body to return to normal, for finally having control back. It was such a dishonor to beg for that, for being weak like that, his Sensei probably pitied him. He didn’t deserve the honor of being in this place, he deserved to be alive at all.

\- My son - Splinter’s deep voice spoke so gently it just made Leonardo feel worse - What is the matter?

\- I am sorry, Sensei - he said low, all of his body preparing to run - I can’t do it, I have--

\- Leonardo - Splinter said, the intonation of his voice suggested either anger or disbelief - Do not run away.

He couldn’t say anything, he couldn’t argue.

\- Your mind is confused - the rat said - Why are you being so evasive about letting the others help you?

\- Father-- - he tried not to sob - This was not supposed to happen!

\- So you do not wish to have children? 

\- It is not that… - he said - It’s-- It’s my body. I don’t… I don’t belong to it anymore, how can I live with knowing that-- That I’m a  _ freak _ ?? This is not normal, I should have listened to you months ago - at that point, the tears were burning to leave his eyes, but the remainings of his pride did not let them out - I shouldn’t have gone after Karai, I shouldn’t have been with Raph, otherwise I wouldn’t be punished like that. You were right, I’m so sorry… I just… I’m a failure--

\- My son - the rat said as he grabbed the turtle’s hand - This is not a punishment, you are not a failure, and no, I was not right.

\- But-- - He tried to say - It feels so  _ wrong _

\- It is quite the opposite, Leonardo - Splinter said warmly.

\- ...what? - Leo said, his voice worried.

\- You have the capacity of creating life, of creating a family of your own - Splinter said - Do not see yourself as a freak, my son. You should not feel ashamed of yourself, this is not your fault, it is only your nature.

\- But-- I-- I don’t know if… If I can do this… - He said in one breath - I’m  _ scared,  _ Sensei

\- It is alright, my son - Splinter said - People fear what they do not understand - he smiled - This is new, you are allowed to feel scared.

The turtle nodded and inhaled a great amount of air, trying to calm his nerves and shaken hands.

\- I am not trying to tell you what to do, you should not do something just to make the others happy. You have to choose what is better for you, and we, your family that loves you, will support you in your decision - Splinter said, squeezing Leo’s hand - But do not feel bad for being who you are, you need to accept yourself, not be ashamed. And you have the right to love Raphael, and the right to be loved.

Astonished. That was how Leo felt. But he wasn’t quite sure if it was a bad or a good thing. Knowing that Splinter had such a positive opinion about the situation was consoling, and still, he couldn’t let the words sink in, couldn’t understand how that made sense, but it somehow did. 

\- Meditate, Leonardo - Splinter said as he rose up - Find the answer in your soul, choose what you believe is right, and you shall find peace with yourself again.

. . . . . . . 

Raphael couldn’t sleep last night. His mind was filled with doubts and thoughts and everything was tangled in an unforgiving mess. On their way home, while Leo was unconscious, Donatello gave him a sad glare as if he was sorry, it had made Raphael angrier than he should.

The genius had disappeared in his lab as soon as they entered home, Mikey was almost sleeping on the sofa, waiting for them to come home and obviously waiting for the news, he followed Donnie to the lab after also giving Raphael a sad look, Raphael couldn’t handle it. The hothead carried his unconscious lover to his room, put him in the bed and went after his two brothers.

He felt like he was about to explode, he needed to vent out.

\- ...then we saw inside of him-- - Donnie was saying but stopped at the sight of Raphael entering the lab - Raph, hey.

\- Hey - he entered and sat on a chair.

\- And then what? - Mikey caught Donatello’s attention again.

\- We saw the embryos - He smiled weakly, turned on the screen of his computer and clicked on a folder - Irma sent me the images right when we left. 

On the screen was the same thing they saw some minutes ago. Two tiny bodies with little eyes inside a transparent sac. Mikey was mesmerized by the view, a bright smile formed on his face. Raphael’s eyes were also glued on the screen, admiring the picture of what he did.

\- Two, like I thought. And then Leo passed out.

\- But why? - Mikey asked, the worry being obvious by the tone of his voice - Is he okay?

\- Well, I don’t know exactly - Donnie said

\- He ain’t - Raphael said - He passed out when he looked at the screen and saw the babies, he’s fucking scared of ‘em.

\- Oh - Mikey said, then noticed that Donnie was staring at him, his eyes were asking him to say something, then Mikey remembered of their talk - Uh, Raph?

\- What? - Raphael’s temper was rising, it showed right on his face.

\- Is… Everything alright between… You and Leo? - The youngest asked carefully

Raphael opened his mouth to talk but didn’t, he paused, looking at his brothers’ worried expressions. A chance to talk about his concerns right in front of him, he wondered if he should take it.

\- We noticed that you two have been a little distant after… - Donnie said calmly - After you received the news.

\- We’re-- - Raph said - Leo’s been weird since ya told ‘im about this. The only thing he said ta me was that he was scared. He was really uncomfortable with everything yesterday. That’s all I know.

\- Ok, yeah - Mikey said - But what about  _ you _ ?

\- What about me? - he said

\- Dude, you’re weird too - Mikey said - Why would you go topside without Leo yesterday?

\- I jus’ wanted ta be alone - Raph said and pursed his lips. 

\-  _ Why?  _ \- Donnie said that time

\- Look - he rose from the chair - I've been thinking a lot about this, okay? I mean, Leo’s  _ pregnant _ ! Do you know how--  _ Impossible  _ that sounds?? - He sighed - I’m supposed to be there for him but it looks like he doesn't  _ let me _ ! And, c’mon, they’re  _ mine  _ too _. My  _ children! An’ I really want Leo to be okay, but--  _ This  _ \- he pointed to the screen - I can’t stop...  _ Thinkin’ _ about this. And I really wanna understand why Leo’s being so evasive about it, he says he’s okay but suddenly he blacks out for apparently  _ no reason?  _ He makes me so confused, I don’t know what the fuck I am supposed to do - He sat down again so hard on the chair its base made a weird noise.

\- So he is scared of it, you said? - Donnie asked

\- Yes - Raph answered - He looked nervous before the examination, but it was not that bad, it was only when he looked at the screen - Raph said, and everyone looked at the picture of the embryos one more time - And… - he sighed - I think he still is… Upset by what Karai did to him...

\- At this point he should know that it was not his fault - Donnie said - Karai was a manipulator, there was no way he could think she wanted to take our blood.

\- It ain’t that - Raph said and Donnie arched his brow - Well, it ain’t only that

\- What did she do? - Mikey asked.

Memories flashed back inside his mind, of what Karai almost did to them and what she did to Leo. Raphael wishes he could forget the night he went after Leo and heard the horrible things she said to the leader. He remembered the rage inside his heart and how she almost didn’t survive that confrontation. He wished he had killed her for what she did to Leo. And the events after that fight were things Raphael pretended they didn’t happen.

\- He was in love with her - his whole body cringed when he said that - He thought it could work, that he could make her be a good person, but she  _ lied  _ to him and made him think she liked him too. 

\- Oh… - Mikey said

\- That’s… Horrible… - Donnie said - And you think he  _ still  _ likes her?

\- He said he didn’t. I believe in him. But… - Raph said - I think he still feels bad that he let himself be manipulated like that.

\- That might be why he doesn’t speak with you about what he thinks - Donnie said.

\- But he was okay all these months ago - Mikey said - We even thought he was getting better because of you - he said to Raph.

\- Well, Leo’s a damn good liar, he avoids showing anything to you guys. And it was a sacrifice to make him talk ta me about it - Raph said - He never told me details… But there were only a couple of times he snapped for real, he screamed at me and called me things and then he cried and said he was sorry. He stopped cutting his wrists but he started cutting the inside of his thighs because he thought we wouldn’t notice, and it was 3 months after we… Started our relationship… He didn’t trust me then and I think he still doesn’t.

\- He might be suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder - Donnie said - And it must be harder for him now that he is pregnant. We need to know how he is feeling in order to help him.

\- But we can’t just force him - Mikey said 

\- I know - Donnie lamented. Then looked at the screen of his computer - You said he was scared because of the pregnancy, right?

\- Yeah - Raph said - He said it was like he had no control of his body and… He said he was afraid that I would be angry--

The door of the lab opened in the middle of the sentence. All turtles looked at the door, surprised to see their Master approaching them.

\- I believe you are talking about Leonardo - he said - Is he alright?

All turtles were silent, they weren’t used to having this kind of conversation with their master.

\- He could be better - Mikey said - We were talking about how we could help him with… - he waved his hand - All this

\- We were talking before you left to see Dr Langistein - the rat said - He mentioned he wasn’t sure about what you feel about this, Raphael, he was very affected by your actions this afternoon.

\- If he is, he doesn’t tell me - Raph said angrily - I can’t know what he’s thinkin’

\- He said the exact same thing about you - Splinter said.

\- I-- - Raphael said - I don’t wanna scare him off, he’s not  _ okay,  _ I don’t wanna make it worse! 

\- I understand, my son - Splinter said - However, this situation is too delicate for this. Why do you think speaking with him would make it worse?

\- I don’t think he wants this - Raph said - He is scared, but I-- - he looked at the picture of the embryos.

\- You wish to have children? To be a father?

Raphael remained silent as he stared at the screen. How could he answer this? He knew he had his brothers and a few number of human friends, that was awesome, but he always had wished for  _ more _ . He couldn’t deny how the idea of having children tempted him, and if Leonardo was willing to give him that, he would certainly give it a try.

But was it the right thing to do? There were so many variables that indicated it was not a good choice, Raphael knew deep in his heart that having a child in their conditions could not be a good idea. But, if he was being honest to himself, he didn’t give a shit about consequences.

\- I do - Raphael said under his breath - But I don’t know if he wants it too.

\- He told me he was waiting for answers, and once he got them, he would decide what to do - Splinter said.

\- Answers? - Donnie asked - As in the conditions of the pregnancy?

\- Yes - the rat said - I believe so. But not only that - he looked at Raphael and put his hand on the turtle’s shoulder - I think you two still need to discuss this, and this time, you should speak with your mind.

\- ...ok - Raphael nodded.

\- I also wish to speak to him, if you let me - Splinter said - Meditation always helped to clear his mind, and I am sure it will help him.

\- Ok - Raphael said again. Splinter nodded and smiled warmly to his sons.

\- I am glad to see you taking care of your brother - He said to all his sons - I have committed several mistakes, I was too hard on him in the past. Perhaps he would be different if I hadn’t.

\- It is okay - Michelangelo said - It is not too late to help him.

\- Still, Michelangelo - the Sensei said - It has been bothering me, and I was thinking that I was hard on the three of you just as well. I wish it hadn’t taken your brother to break down for me to realize my mistakes, and now I am worried about your minds. - He looked at Raphael - I am really sorry.

\- Sensei… - Donnie said - We… Appreciate that, really

\- And look - Mikey chuckled - I would be lying if I said that… There weren’t things you had done that really hurt us, especially when it comes to Leo and… It could have been worse, you know? You suffered a lot too, I wouldn’t expect you to be sane with all the things you had to go through

\- We’re happy you are trying your best - Donnie smiled - And trying to fix your mistakes

There was a small moment of comfortable silence. Raphael nodded and smiled to Splinter in order to tell him that he agrees with his brothers. He stepped closer to his father with arms tight on his plastron, this pride of his never ceased to amuse the rat. 

Understanding the intentions of his brother, Michelangelo approached quickly and embraced both his father and the hot-head in one move, Donatello didn’t wait too long to join the family hug. 

\- So you gonna talk to him tomorrow morning? - Raph blushed and said, still in the arms of his family, where he could hear all the hearts beating fast.

\- I will try - Splinter said, after several seconds, he let his sons go - Let us hope it will be helpful.

\- There is only one way to know - Donnie said.

\- Well, I will be going to bed now - Splinter said warmly - Good night, children

\- Good night - Mikey and Donnie said

\- ‘night - Raph said

Michelangelo also went to sleep after a few minutes. Raphael and Donatello decided to make some modifications on Raph’s motorcycle since neither felt like sleeping. They spent the night in silence, minds wandering in their thoughts.

. . . . . . . .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact, the meditation scene was actually my pseudo-boyfriend's idea! He is helping me a lot with the construction of this story <3


	6. Questions and answers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leonardo tries to understand his situation and what he should do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyy, I'm sorry about the long hiatus, I was focusing in other parts of my life, things has been a little distracting lately.   
> I'll try to write a little more, but I can't promise anything right now.  
> This chapter is a little monotonous, but necessary.   
> Enjoy!

Leonardo didn’t want to admit how scared he was. Even when he said that out loud to his father, he didn’t want to believe it, it was a lie. He knew he needed to come in terms of what was happening, of what he was, of what it might become, but for that, he needed to enter the scariest place of his mind, and for the first time, he was afraid of himself.

And it was so… Controversial? The journey to his adulthood was flawless, perfect, so perfect it made him smug for a few years in his adolescence (and he chuckled at the stupidest fights he had with Raphael in those times). His katas were perfectly-performed, his self-control in meditation made Splinter jealous, there was no other swordsman that could compare to him, even Karai lost this bet. For many years, he was the model older brother, the fearless leader, the best at everything he did.

So why was he so weak like that? What happened to him? When did he become this failure? The weight of being a disappointment crushed him and there was nothing he could do except being a whiny baby, broken into pieces. He probably should give up the role of leader and give it to Raphael, who deserved it more than he did. Hell, his honor was so destroyed he should give up being a ninja already.

But…

What if Splinter wasn’t wrong? What if it was just his nature? There was a tiny part of him that did not hate this at all, that was actually happy for the way things were. Minutes ago, with his eyes closed and his mind focused, he felt  _ love _ and  _ warmth _ , because, after all, the idea of having children,  _ his children _ , made his heart flutter and his stomach turn. God help him, he would have Raphael’s children. And that didn’t make him upset at all.

Was it right? Should he do that? He is a mutant ninja turtle living in the sewers of New York, is it fair to bring children into this world? With so many possible disasters surrounding them all the time, it seems kinda wrong to be selfish like that, Leonardo didn’t want to bring children to this world just to share some of his misery with them.

Inhaling as much air as he could, he positioned himself, and entered inside his own mind once more.

It was just as messy as it was minutes ago, he didn’t expect it to be different, nor he was shocked to witness his mind in a state like that. There, burning the last amounts of sanity he had, was the fear of the unknown and the shame of what he was.

What was he? The question never bothered him this much until this very day. He knew that he was no ordinary being, he was a nature’s deviant, he should not exist at all and yet it didn’t make him question his own identity. He was a mutant ninja turtle, a ninja master, a warrior, the best, always the best, always the right one.

All of those things seemed to not matter anymore in these past months, when he let himself be deluded and used, when he put his loved ones in danger. It doesn’t matter how many times they tell him Karai was manipulative, he should have known better than to just be reckless, he was an idiot. He was destroyed until his body screamed for the end of this agonizing shame, he should have died that night.

However, there he was, Raphael, saying he loved Leonardo. Those words surely had an effect on the leader. And that was what appeared to him when he closed his eyes. 

Sure, it was dark, the uncertainty made its presence very, very clear. There was an agonizing anxiety of the possibility that it could all go wrong and it scared Leonardo to death. There was a piece of his mind that was constantly telling him to stop, to find a way to cease this and to end this madness, because, deep down, something was telling him it was all wrong, and it was, indeed, madness.

But there was also that spark of gold, calling him from a long distance, comforting him and telling him that it was alright. Despite the darkness of uncertainty and fear, this aura surrounded him with warmth and love. It was familiar, Leonardo was not surprised to face it, because it was there for a long, long time, calling him, and suddenly, the leader was ashamed he had evaded it for so long. 

He had to be careful, though. His caring nature begged him to just embrace the feeling and let it lead him through whatever was to come, and yet the hard, stubborn, fearless personality that he developed during years and years of a cruel and unforgiving life, messes with his senses and left him dazed and confused.

He inhaled deeply again, a strong scent invaded his senses, his body relaxed and his eyes opened when he didn’t mean to do so.

That gold spark, accompanied by a loving flash or crimson red. That’s what he saw when he opened his eyes. 

\- ...Leo - The owner of the golden orbs said, voice full of hesitation.

Leonardo tried to open his mouth and say something, the first thing that came to his mind was to complain about how Raphael interrupted his track of thought, he felt like he was close to an answer, but he just couldn’t, he was not upset, instead, he was relieved.

\- Raphie - He said lovingly, his mouth couldn’t do anything but smile. 

The nickname got the red ninja by surprise, because, by force of habit, he also expected Leonardo to be angry and not exactly happy to see him in that moment. He smiled too, happy that his instincts had done something right, and happy to see Leonardo smiling so sincerely.

\- You were cold - Raphael said.

\- What…? - Leonardo said.

\- I came here to check in on ya - Raphael explained - I know ya don’t like being interrupted, but you looked pale and when I touched yer arm, you were cold.

\- Oh - the leader said - I was… I was just… I don’t know… I was trying to find an answer through meditation, I thought it would help but… The more I tried the scarier it got.

\- What do ya mean?

\- I mean - He sighed - I mean I don’t know what to do, Raph. I am so torn, this is so  _ hard. _

\- But do you want it? - Raphael said, the tone of his voice showed how anxious he was for the answer.

Leonardo paused and tried not to look Raphael in the eyes. His heart pumped hard inside his chest and it yearned for the leader to tell the truth.

\- That is not what is important - He said

\- Of course it is, Leo! - Raphael snapped.

\- Raph… - the leader, still not looking at his partner in the eyes, said.

Raphael placed his hand on top of the leader’s and squeezed it, he felt Leonardo’s body tense and wondered what else he could do to solve whatever was happening in the poor man’s mind. His heart broke upon seeing him like that.

\- If you’re asking me if I want or not to be a father, the answer is that I do - He said quietly - I would be lying if I said that it would not bring me immense joy, especially because… Because I have you, and I want to have a family with you, Raph. 

Raphael blushed and smiled.

\- But I was so scared about it, about  _ how _ we can get to that - Leonardo said - I know that this is not so simple, I have a vague idea of what pregnancy is and I was unsure if that is something that should happen to me, yet it did. 

\- You don’t gotta do that if you don’t want to - Raphael said

\- I know - Leo nodded, eyes lost and unfocused - I know. I’m ashamed I’m so scared, I feel like that since-

He paused and inhaled deeply.

\- Since that night with Karai - Leonardo closed his eyes and felt Raphael’s fingers pressing his hand.

\- Ya don’t gotta be perfect all the time - Raphael said.

\- Is it right for us to raise children when we know we live a dangerous life? - Leonardo asked after a moment of silence, he opened his eyes and stared at Raphael’s troubled gaze.

\- Yeah, well, ya got a point - Raphael said - But Shredder isn’t here anymore, the foot won’t bother us and God know where that bitch’s at. It’s been forever since we had peace like this, and if Splinter did that on his own, I think we can do it too.

\- Really? - This time, it was Leonardo who squeezed Raphael’s hand, and he saw hope inside those golden eyes.

\- Yeah - He smiled - Changing diapers can’t be that hard, right?

\- No - Leonardo chuckled - But you know it’s not only that, don’t you?

\- I know

\- We have to raise them, someday they will be on their own - Leonardo said

\- We’re gonna prepare them for the world.

\- And I’m… Still not sure - Leonardo said - But I like the idea

\- You still need more time? - Raphael said

\- I want to speak with Doctor Langistein - Leonardo said - I have a few questions for her, I’m not going to do this if I’m not absolutely sure of what will happen to me or the children.

\- Fair enough - Raphael said.

\- Raphael - Leonardo whispered.

\- Yeah? 

For a moment, Leonardo froze and did not speak, his blue eyes were staring at Raphael’s yellow ones, they were saying something Raphael knew it was difficult for Leonardo to put in words. He smiled.

\- I love ya too - Raphael gently grabbed the back of Leonardo’s head and guided him towards his lips. His initial intention of just being gentle was thrown away by the wet brush of Leonardo’s tongue on his own. Deepening the kiss, he embraced the leader’s body and caressed his neck. 

They paused for a moment, both knowing that, although their bodies were responding to the action, their minds did not want to go further than that. Instead, Raphael pulled Leonardo’s body close to his own and hugged him.

\- I missed you - Leonardo said, his heart finally in peace.

\- Me too.

. . . . . . . . . . 

Irma paced around her lab when her cellphone ringed, she knew it was a message and she knew who was sending it, in that moment she felt happy that her client decided to cancel her evening appointment, because the message, sent by her new nerd friend, asked if she was available in that evening to see his brother, Leonardo. With a big smile printed on her face, Irma replied, saying that she could see Leonardo right now. And then Donatello said his brother was on his way.

Being a woman of science, such a rare,  _ rare  _ occasion made her mind want to explode from how lucky she was to be, not only a witness of it, but an active part of it. And sometimes, when thinking about how she wished that Leonardo decided to proceed with the pregnancy, Irma wondered if she was being insensitive, and did not want Leonardo to feel like he was being treated as an experiment, afterall, she understood how confusing it might be to be in his position.

Maybe Leonardo arrived really fast or maybe she was too lost inside her head to keep track on time, anyway, she was surprised when she heard a knock on the door.

\- Come in - She said. The door opened and Leonardo entered.

\- Good evening, Doctor - The turtle said - I’m sorry to take your time like this.

\- No no no! - She said - Oh no, please! You are more than welcome here at any time you want, really!

Leonardo’s expression just confirmed that the woman was being way too energetic, she mentally slapped herself for that.

\- I’m sorry about my reaction - She said and, this time, did it calmly - I’m not gonna lie, Leonardo, I am really happy that you are here.

\- Oh? - He was surprised, for her surprise.

\- Yes, I’m sorry it might look weird - Irma tried to keep it cool - But, you know, you and your brothers are miracles of science, I could not be more amazed by the fact of your existence.

\- Well, I’m happy you think like that - Leonardo smiled - People are not usually happy to see us.

\- I am, you can be sure about it - She said - But I believe that you are not here to discuss that, are you?

\- Ah, no - he answered - I have a few questions.

\- Please - She gestured towards a chair and took a seat herself.

\- I have been doing a lot of thinking about this - Leonardo said - And I need to know a few things before I make a final decision - Irma nodded - I don’t know anything about… Pregnancy, I want to know what will happen to my body.

\- There are a few things I am sure of - Irma said - One of them is that, inevitably, and because of your humanoid anatomy, your abdomen area will expand to accommodate the egg. So you will gain a lot of weight in the next few months. 

\- The egg? Aren’t there two? - He asked

\- There are two embryos, but only one egg, it means your babies will be identical twins - She said - You will most likely feel nausea, cramps, maybe some weird food cravings and swollen feet, the usual. - She smiled - In terms of how  _ long  _ you will be pregnant, I can’t say that for sure, you have both human and turtle DNA, but as far as we know, your human nature has a bigger participation on this, everything looks just like human pregnancy to me, except for the fact that, maybe, just maybe, that sac surrounding the embryos will become an egg, but that doesn't seem dangerous to me.

\- What about birth?

\- Well, I was talking to your brother and we had discussed the possibilities - She answered - Either you will lay an egg or you will go through surgery. You will have to go through surgery  _ if  _ the egg is too big for you to do it by yourself, and judging by your anatomy and the possibility that this egg will be enormous, it will probably kill you. Maybe you could do that if there was only one, or if they were separated and had each an egg of their own, but in your case, the safest way is the cesarian.

\- And then?

\- You will have to rest for a few months to fully recuperate, the only effort you should make would be holding your babies. I suppose it would be easier for you due to your mutant blood. Donatello told me the four of you had an incredible healing capacity.

\- It is true - Leonardo smiled - If we were humans, we would be dead long ago.

\- Well, then I think a few months of pregnancy will be nothing compared to all you have been through - She joked, and was happy that Leonardo laughed as well - But there are a few details that I can’t be sure of. 

\- Like what? 

\- I strongly believe this pregnancy will last a few months, but I don’t know if it will last less or longer than 9 months - she said - However, that is not reason to be scared. We would be monitoring the development of the babies and by that we should know if you are or not close to giving birth.

\- How are the exams made? - Leonardo said

\- Mostly ultrasounds, blood, urine and routine gynecological exams - She said - And, if necessary, a couple of hysteroscopies. About the gynecological exams - She reached for a book on a shelf behind her - Here’s everything you should know.

\- Okay - He sighed.

\- And we would not know exactly how your children would develop once they were born. You, for example, were born a turtle and you were mutated at a very young age, your children, on the other hand, would not be mutants, they would be the first one of their species.

\- Do you think that this is dangerous?

\- That is something your brother should answer, he is way more educated about your nature than me - She answered - But as far as I know, your pregnancy is, by far, completely normal, and I strongly believe it will continue to be. We will be monitoring closely even if everything looks normal, Donatello said himself he would not be taking any risks.

He nodded.

\- Also, I want to discuss what happens if I decide not to proceed with the pregnancy.

\- For that, we would do an abortion - She said - You would take two pills, one to prevent the pregnancy to keep growing, and the other to empty your uterus. This last one would cause cramping and bleeding, but it is something anyone can support, also you would have a mild fever and nausea. 

\- Okay 

\- After that, you have two options. You can keep your uterus or you can remove it through a hysterectomy - Irma said - If you decide to keep it, you should use some kind of contraceptive to prevent another pregnancy, you can use condoms, pills, an IUD, it depends on what you prefer, you can read that on the book I gave you. 

\- Thank you - Leonardo smiled 

\- And there is the hysterectomy - She said - That would be the removal of your uterus, but you still would have your vaginal canal. 

\- I see - Leo said looking at the book he received - Thank you, Doctor.

\- Call me Irma, please - She said smiling.

\- Well, call me Leo, then - He said and stood up.

\- Okay, Leo - She stood up as well - Let me know about your decision.

. . . . . . . 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed <3 Don't forget to comment :)

**Author's Note:**

> I always miss Donnie and Mikey's participations in Leo-and-Raph-centric fanfictions.  
> They are really important in this one!  
> Also, please let me know if there is something confusing about my writing, English is not my first language and I don't have a beta reader!


End file.
